Unlikely Friends to a Martial Artist

1. Downy Wrinkle Releaser- for when you just don't have time to press your gi.
2. Moleskin- for stick-to-your-foot cushiness.
3. Febreeze- when you remember you forgot to wash your gi, and it's 10 minutes before class.
4. the perfect pushup bars- nice on your hands, and help you get in shape.
5. boxing hand wraps- better than "bag gloves"
6. travel sized nail clippers- for short nails as a common courtesy to your fellow gym mates
7. Rite Aid toe cushions- meant for bunions, they work as a surprisingly good toe splint, and did I mention they are cushy?
8. Sambo shoes- for those special sketchy-looking dojo floors/ petri dish for ringworm.
9. bleach + H20- hurray for disease control!
10. dollar store mesh laundry bag- for when $80 is simply too much to pay for to protect your gear.
11. Dixie Cups- why not?
12. Lidocaine patches- it lasts for 12 hours!
13. Travel size Tylenol- just because.
14. pens- because you always gotta write something down.
15. pilates weighted ball- because most kids wouldn't know the meaning of chi if it hit them in the face, a nylon weighted ball in their hands makes those shitty presses in their katas that they do a hell of a lot harder to accomplish.
16. cosmic brownies- when you're about to crash from low sugar levels
17. Tide pen- see #16.
18. tissues- because inevitably, your nose runs whenever some kid is tying up the bathroom.
19. a pocket calendar- for figuring out if you're working on training days.
20. more of #16 and 17.

The gut-wretching episode that was the UFC 100 dinner....and a bad batch of food

So my sister, Batta, and I went to the local dive bar that was showing UFC 100 after fruitlessly trying to get a seat at another dive bar where the food is slightly better and there was pie to be had. The last time we went there for a PPV, a fight broke out, so it wasn't a total loss. It was less crowded here, and the people actually looked like they were old enough to drink, not to mention they actually knew who was on the card that night.

And the food is...still haunting me. I was so hungry- literally waking up after a 2 hour nap just 20 minutes before we had to go, I was starving. And since none of us were beer drinkers, we had to order something we could milk for a whole PPV- onion rings, french fries, moz sticks...ever notice that food for fight watching would never be touched by self-respecting fighters? Anyways, so we ate and ate, watching the tv and discussing techniques we saw. There was a lot of nice things I saw- Akiyama's first win and how happy he was (even if the fight was kind of a draw), GSP's clinic on takedowns (the man is GOD), and Dan Henderson's elbow sandwich of Bisping's face...ouch. All of this was shattered by the circus that is Brock Lesnar, and a 24 hour bout with everything Pepto Bismol treats.

Baby Brock, as I like to call him, reminds me of one of those kids who got kicked off the football team for his inability to "play nice with others" , and now bitterly thinks the world owes him something. The thing that scares most martial artists, traditional or otherwise, is not his bad-boy persona, show-boating, or his lack of tact in show-boating (fingers, public declaration of wife-screwing, or otherwise), it's the fact that he's actually appealing to young kids as cool. That's exactly what we need- a ton of Brock wanna-bes with more boisterous behavior and less talent. It's a future many teachers fear will be for their Snotballs or Frankensteins if such behavior is rewarded. And another thing...what the hell are 10 year olds watching UFC for??? Really, bad parenting for the win, or what?

I don't want to encourage Baby Brock one way or another- he's an okay at-best martial artist (which is different from being a good fighter, which he is), and he's not that interesting as a "bad guy" if that's what he is going for (he wasn't that particularly interesting the first time he tried it in the WWE). So I will wait until it all blows over, which for guys like him always ends one of three ways; 1) he gets arrested 2) he gets fired or 3) he becomes a footnote by getting knocked out by someone with talent.

Weather the Storm

Today was very interesting day. Not only was it Tanabata today, but a MMA school opened just two doors down from us. I looked at the door at its stark emptiness (the school is a basement) and it just says "MMA". I have to admit, I turned my head in curiosity like a beagle. A year ago, I would not have considered such a thing happening- now, I'm not surprised. I immediately wondered who in this small town is qualified to teach such a thing. I wonder if it's one of those schools that teach you MMA like it's an actual "style". It should be interesting to see what happens with that place. I think we should do something to welcome them into the neighborhood, like... make them a fruitcake or something.

So I go in into school (and I normally do not go to Tuesday class, as I have said before) and I could not believe the debaughery that was going on there. Frankenstein trying to run warm-ups...and then Foobar running combos *stick fork in eye here* I CAN'T STAND KIDS! So where is Head sensei during all of this? Teaching Bailout how to use kama...and she kept dropping them. *sigh* MMA is tempting me...

So anyways, I am setting up my bamboo tree like I always do. This year, the holiday will be on Wednesday class, the more populated of the week, so a day late. I am feeling in need of a joyous occasion.

What happens when you hit a brick wall

I have extreme issues with what is going on with the school right now. But finally, as some sort of sun that has come out from parting clouds, I understand the problem that has haunted me for the past few months- it's not issues with my school. It's issues with my style. Period.

I'm gonna come out and say some really shocking things. Head Honcho sensei is an idiot, living among vultures who want to suck his style dry when he's gone. It is clear just by the way that aiki is run, that he has no clear vision with what he wants to do with aiki in general. Other head senseis will agree with every ADD-induced idea he has because they don't wanna make waves by suggesting that such ideas could be BAD. When I joined this style, there were no junior black belts, no hakama-wearing kyu ranks in aiki- belts in aiki!- and it took you a whole year to get your first rank in iai and aiki. All of this shit went down in the past three or so years, and I think it's largely due to Head Honcho sensei being sick and not taking care of his health. I don't doubt that the man is/was a great martial artist, but he is at best a disorganized mess. Sword sensei once expressed to me his worries about the future of this style when Head Honcho sensei passes away, and I believe after observing these changes and how other greedy people in the organization behave, that there will be none.

I think Head Sensei is well-meaning, but gets side-tracked easily. He is trying to teach 50+ people by himself, primarily because the black belts don't think they owe him a damn thing. He deals with the pushiest professional parents that I have ever seen, demanding to know when their kids will get ranked "so they can bring cameras." And the kids are so mouthy to us, to each other, to their own parents. But they get ranked.

Okay, enough bitching. I don't spit such things without at least offering how to fix them. I have been watching a lot of Trading Spouses recently, and although it's really hokey (you wouldn't wanna be married to either wife) , I like the rule change idea. Here is mine, for my school only. The rest of the style can sit on it.

NEW RULES

1. Classes will start on time.
2. If you miss the bowing in, you must do 25 pushups before asking for permission to join class.
   
3. No more belt testing fees. You pay for the belt when you earn it. That's it. No more three-four month wait either. If you earn it in two, good. If it takes you two years to be worthy, even better.
4. In exchange for # 3, students nor parents of students will not ask about getting ranked.
   
5. If you are more than 10 minutes late to class or have to leave class more than 10 minutes early, DON'T come to class.
   
6. Everyone must help with chores before practicing kata- whatever the chore chart says, you do. Sweep the floor. Stock the restroom. Wipe the mirrors.
   
7. You will not demand of your sensei to teach you new kata, especially when it is not in your rank.
   
8. Everyone warms up together.
   
9. Juniors teach juniors (with adult supervison). Adults teach adults.

Now that's out of my system, I will fill you in on what has happened. Obviously I did not test for ni-dan on the 20th, via some transportation problems which is another matter entirely. Howveer I am not too terribly broken up about it. In fact, I feel good. My foot is almost healed, and I have been concentrating on aiki. It's been fun throwing and been thrown again. And also Tanabata is coming up. Nothing like candy, green tea and dorayaki to brighten the mood. It feels good to not have to worry anymore. I kinda learn what I want to now. And the people I like, I hang with, and people I don't- screw 'em.