Questions asked by 14 year olds online...and my answers

1. Who would win in a fight between (guy a) and (guy b)? The better guy. How about (wildlife) and (guy)? wild animal. What if (guy) had a gun? Guy with gun. What about (dead guy) and (other guy)? Other guy, because dead guy is DEAD. But what if (dead guy) was brought back to life in his prime? He'd probably have better things to do than fight a douchebag like...make crappy kids flicks and make shit loads of money (Jackie Chan...)Okay but what if (guy a) and (guy b) fought, and one of them had a gun? Well, provided that said gunholder can successfully use gun without blowing own face off, the gunholder.
2. Should I fight this guy? Um...no. But he totally disrespected me. And...And I wanna fight him. Well you've already made up your mind to get your ass kicked, so why are bothering to ask?
3.  Is (art) effective in street fights? First, lemme ask you a question; what do you think a street fight is? Do you even know? Unless you are currently located in the slums of an inner-city, living in a housing project run by drug lords and your momma wants you off the street at every night at dark to avoid being a stat in the city's homicide count, then DON'T FUCKING TELL ME, BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW, OR IF YOU DID YOU'D KNOW THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION! You wanna know what's 100% effective in street fights? Stay off the street.

 

Roo! A test date!

So finally after waiting...and waiting...and waiting, I finally found my test date for both aiki and karate. It will be the 26th of this month. I can't wait for it to be over. I feel ready. I have worked out all the bugs, and now it will be a battle to practice enough while juggling college.

For the last week I have been teaching a lot- mostly the upper belt juniors. I am trying to get them to hold themselves up to a different standard than that of an eight-year old child, but sometimes I think rich kids wanna be babies forever. Well, I know my rank sheet...clearly, that's all I need- or rather, want. It makes me wonder why so many of these same kids wanna do MMA. There's no ranks to be had. Oh, and by the way, MMA is not the same as hodj-podj. I'd like to tell that to the resident martial art mogul/idiot who opened up a children's MMA school out of a local bowling alley. *SSSIIIGGGHHHH!*

Okay, every once in a while, I like to write out my lists of pet peeves. So here goes:

1.  Children of the same rank and age rank the same. That one day of difference really doesn't matter. So if I catch another pair of same-ranked kids bumbling over each other to line up, I'm gonna punt 'em.
2.  You cannot learn new kata by watching. Ever.
3. Parents, stop dressing your kids. They needed that skill for kindergarten.
4. Sword sensei- little bites...little bites. Not whole sandwich. Not unless you're a hound.
5. If I see an unclaimed weapon, manual, or piece of sparring gear thrown carelessly onto the floor, I will follow the beagle property law- it's mine.
6. You are not above sweeping the floor...Snotball.
7. If class starts at 6, that means 6pm. Not roll out the changing room at 6. Not arrive at 6. Be dressed and ready to go AT 6.