RETURN OF THE KUKI!

Hello everyone,
I didn't know until recently people actually read this blog. Some of you asked what happened, and I wanted to say that I really didn't want to stop writing in the first place. Since achieving black belt, I wanted to take some time off to reflect on things as well as get my personal life back in order. I'm dropping this note to you to say that "The Ancient Art of Kuki-Do" will be back January 2009. Until then, entertain yourself with with my memoir-in-progress, "Memoirs of a Cookie".
Thanks for reading,
J.

Bork? The End of Kuki-Do?

I have started a new project to coincide with the new chapter in my martial arts life. I'm starting on a memoir. Not sure yet if my life is worth reading, but it's more of a cathartic process for me. It'll be good to see how far I've come over these past few years.

Until something big happens, or unless there is something horrifically amusing to share, I probably won't be writing in here for a while. I want time to change my outlook, so to speak, which as of now isn't so positive. If you are interested in the meantime, I am posting my rough draft of Memoirs of a Cookie- a martial arts story. I provided the link at the bottom left. Enjoy. And not to fear. This isn't the end. It is only the beginning...of more cookies.

We did it, koala.

It still doesn't seem real to me. And it wasn't the best test that I could have done. but it's done. I now have a black belt in karate. It's strange. Suddenly, I'm no longer that "kinda sensei"- that title belongs to Goth Kid now. I'm at the fork in the road.

I cannot say for sure what went through my head, and I have waited a couple of days to sort out my thoughts so I can reflect on the experience properly, but I can't I'm drawing a blank. It's if as this time, the shodan test meant less than my first one. I feel unfulfilled in a sense. Maybe it was because Batta and my dad didn't come (and neither did half of the people expected), or maybe it was because of my broken foot, but the whole experience feels unfinished. Was this the big moment in everyone's martial arts career? I hope not. I hope as everyone says, this is just the beginning, and there is more down the road. We shall see.

I guess the thing that concerns me is that I don't really feel proud of myself for the achievement that I worked so hard for. It makes me sad. It's over- it's not like I get a second stab at it, not that I'd want to. Collectively, I really do think I've earned this. It's been 4+ years of blood, sweat, sprains, obscenities, tears, agrravations, and bumbles to get to this point. I wish I could have done better- that's the thing, I guess. I wish a lot of thing had been different. But here I sit, hugging my Karate Koala which a friend of mine gave me when I started this journey, and I remember why this experience was so important. Given all of these setbacks, I have endured. And sometimes in life, that is the toughest thing to do. So I dedicate this experience to those who have helped me get there; all the people who taught me, who did it before, who never got to do it, who are going to do it. This is for you.

A much heartfelt thank you to: my Batta, Verizon Guy, the Applebee's guy (I forgive you for leaving a week after you hit this milestone.) my favorite mall music store worker (who was weeks away from this milestone- I hope you found the happiness and peace of mind in whatever you chose to do that you could not find in martial arts), The T family, Tank, Sarge, Cigarette Man, Wally, the Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator (to whom I credit my teaching style), Peanut, Doppleganger, Goth Kid, Skittles, Wheezy Kid, all the professional children I have ever taught, Beagle, Head Sensei, Head Honcho sensei, Sword Sensei, Short Sensei, Spam, Doc and Sneezy, certain two college people (who I blame for ALL of this martial arts stuff!), my teachers from college, my friend martial artists from chiro college (for keeping me sane), and yes, even you, Nerdverd (whereever you are) AND EVERYONE ELSE I HAVE EVER MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG.

THANK YOU.

Eep.

Well, here I am. It's 86 degrees, the same temp as it will be for my test. I'm tired, my foot aches, and I really want to get out of this house before I eat my fingers. Nothing more to say- it's gametime. The gifts are all done, the katas all but perfected. All I need to do today is check my nerves.

Bork! T minus 4 days...

I have had a very long summer. In spite of the fact I was crazy enough to be in school all summer, I also have been studying for my test, which is now just four days away. I revisit my question that I have asked myself- what does all of this mean? Is it the measurement of confidence, or just a stepping stone? No doubt, one black belt does little to change your abilities or competence as a teacher, but the moment that black piece of cloth goes on.... suddenly the whole rest of the world knows what you've worked for.

This time is different. My family is actually excited at the prospect of me getting a belt in an art they actually can explain to their friends. Is this the honor part of it? It's no secret that my family, nor the little karate kids understand or respect the fact that I am already at blackbelt level in iai. Now, when they say "sensei", they will actually mean it. As trivial as this is, I can't deny getting a certain amount of satisfaction with that.

This week I've been drilling katas, self defense, aiki, everything I need for my test. I get the sense that there is nothing more (besides conditioning) that I can do. And pray that my family will actually wake up on Saturday.

What's white, wears black and glasses, and looks like a chihuahua in a blender?

Give up? It's Wheezy Kid during jumping jacks! Who the fuck thinks it's a good idea to give a black belt to a kid who is not even coordinated enough to do a fucking jumping jack!?! I digress.

These past couple weeks have been taken up with finals at school, healing my foot, and trying to study for karate. To be honest, the closer I am to my test, the less interested I am getting for it. Perhaps it's stress or desensitation, or the fact that Thing 1 is reviewing aiki for my test that I taught him?!? Could be that. Or it could be I'm simply too tired to care.

Batta and I have ensnared a new mat (mat? No, I mean "uke") to come to class with us. For lack of any inspiration for what to call him, I shall call him Spam. We are teaching Spam the art of kumitachi, to which Batta is beginning to learn how to teach (small doses, Batta). It is fun- far more fun than being critiqued by little brats...or do I dare say, throwing them?....no, I take that back. It's more fun throwing kids. >:)

In other news, Sarge gave us a beautiful new table. It is already filled with Batta's notes and junk food. Long live finals regimine. Long live punting Wheezy Kid.

Happy 100th post!

Yay! I did it! I've actually kept up a blog!

I've been taking time to re-evaluate what black belt means for me. To be so close to my test date is unnerving. I feel (as dumb as this sounds, that an end is coming. I'm almost grieving in a sense. I don't really know why- I have been a "sensei" since 2006, and I have always been conscious of the fact the color of belt is no indication of the amount of respect you deserve. But, in any case, I do feel an odd sense of "finally...I am here."

I have lots of plans for after my test. I want to concentrate on helping Batta get up to as high as he wants to get, and helping his friend (whom is starting on Saturday- I'll think of a name) in sword. I also want to try to encourage the adults on our class to stay....even Goth Kid *argh*. I'm not sure much will change after I get black belt. I imagine it won't, but it's nice to have a pat on the back once in a while.

Happy Tanabata!

I have done this holiday for 2 years now- not sure if it's helped spark the kiddies into being appreciative of other cultures, but...it was a mild success. I had a head start on the origami, and the dorayaki was made way easier thanks to pre-made mini pancakes...yum. And once again. I forgot to take pictures. Bah.

Karate and school have been at odds quite a bit, and my slow-healing toe is not making things easier. I study in chunks when I can. And now that it's stopped raining every day and the weather is actually quite nice, I have been getting out with my sword. It's been relaxing, even if I can't get out of iai goshi without pain :).

Being away from martial arts during the week has left me out of the loop for most things. Doc is supposed to be testing for shodan but Head Sensei was reviewing Sneezy too- not sure if this means he's testing...I'll have to mak another stamp (urgh).

What the hell is an Ultimate Blackbelt?

Okay, so I am experiencing some anxiety with school and the black belt test coming up officially on Agust 23rd. With exactly 55 days left until my test, I have been snooping around the net and came across this: Test Requirements for Ultimate Blackbelt. The UBB program is, in my opinion, a pyramid scheme, since I don't think any self improvement program should stagnate your wallet. However, I think some of these requirements are a good idea....and some aren't. I'll list them here.

Physical Requirements

• 100,000 Push Ups and Crunches 50,000 each: 125 push-ups and 125 abdominal exercises a day – or if injured, an equivalent exercise. Okay, this I should be doing anyway. Gotta build up that cardio.

• 1000 Repetitions of a Single Form 2.5 reps a day for 395 days. Again, another thing I should be doing. This exercise would be good with Taikyoko Shodan, since that is literally the foundation (strong foundation= good house, right?)

• 1000 Rounds of Sparring2.5 rounds of any form of sparring a day for 395 days. Other than spar with Batta? Hmm. This is a toughy. Not only is my toe already fucked up but my choices of sparring (when I can, which is on Saturdays) is kids half my height. I think I will spar with Batta a couple times a week. It's all I have time (and sanity) for.

• 1000 Mile Walk/Run/Swim and/or Bike 2.5 miles a day for a year. I do this anyway. Next step.

• 100 Hours of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Mat Time – or EquivalentEach participant in the UBBT must complete 100 hours of Jiu-Jitsu mat time(approximately 2 hours per week). Ideally, each candidate would earn a blue belt or equivalent in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or equivalent. Hmm...neuro exam, or BJJ? Do you have to ask? Really, I would love to, and when I get out of this hell-hole known as chiro school, I will do that. The UBBT Grappling Coaches are David Meyer of Los Angeles, CA, BJ Penn of Hilo, Hawaii Sign me up! That's it. I'm going to transfer to school in Hawaii, and Cassio Werneck of Sacramento, CA, but candidates may use anyone (and there are a 1000 great instructors around the world) for instruction and ranking.

• 20 Hours with a Pro Boxing or Kick-Boxing Coach Ah, Batta is a boxer...sure, not professional, but it'll do and he certainly knows way more than me.

• 1 Reality-Based Self-Defense Course Each candidate must have training (no minimum time requirements) in a reality-based self-defense training program. Self-defense advisor to the UBBT is Bill Kipp. Tom Patire, Bill Kipp, Peyton Quinn, Geoff Thompson, and Tony Blauer all run programs acceptable for this requirement. Christ....I teach this shit. And in absolutely no circumstances, would I ever.....EVER fight a guy with a knife because I wanna keep my shitty wallet. I'll give him the wallet....there's no money in it anyway.

• 10 Public Testing PerformancesParticipants perform their final physical test performance (demo) in front of ten separate audiences, prior to the final UBBT event. Ah, again- issue with time. Technically, I do perform techniques in front of different audiences every 8 weeks- they're called midterms and finals.

• Complete the Full Body-For-Life Program (or equivalent)15 Minutes of Daily Meditation Written and/or Filmmaking RequirementsCustom Written Test RequirementsWeekly On-Line UBBT Journal Entries. Every UBBT participant is required to make a weekly journal entry Sweet! Done! on the UBBT web site Aww. A journal entry should be approximately 100 words long and chronicle the personal journey of each participant as he or she lives with the UBBT experience. Journal entries will be open to the public and may be used in articles or book projects.Oh shit. Good thing I used aliases.

• Achieving and Documenting 10 Personal Victories I wonder...1) go back to Japan 2) enter a food eating contest just once in my life 3) actually win a sparring event 4) actually enter a tournament that's not my school's 5)fit into size 6s again 6) adopt my own dog 7) move out of the dorms 8) get an A on...anything 9) pass all my classes this trimester 10) get my own car

• Team Requirements I'm not even gonna kid myself.

Additional Requirements

• 1000 Acts of Kindness- If these requirements were required for all blackbelts, I know a lot of blackbelts that should be stripped of their belts. I also know a lot of brownies that wouldn't pass. 2.5 acts of kindness a day equals 1000 acts in 12 months. All participants are required to perform and log 1000 acts of kindness. Seriously, if you have to log all your instances of kindness, you'd be...a desperate A student looking for things to put on his/her scholarship application. Whatever happened for kindness for kindness sake?

• 10,000 Acts of Kindness through Students and Community A UBBT participant must practice leadership skills in such a way as to inspire students and members of his or her community to engage in the acts of kindness program. I'm giving people that come to my test postcards as a thank you gift. I'm also the only person who's given (and will give) gifts of appreciation to my teachers for helping me. 10,000 acts of kindness in 13 months require approximately 25 acts of kindness a day for 13 months.

• Right One Wrong Each member of the program must “make right” one wrong they have done in their life. I skipped Gross Anatomy tutoring. I'm gonna go right it by going the second half of this trimester. The event to “right” is completely up to the tester. Testing for a black belt should be an experience that requires the participant to heal and mend issues and/or events from the past that, under different circumstances, he or she would have done differently.

• Mend One Relationship Gone Bad *sigh* do I have to be nice to Lazy girl?Every UBBT tester must mend one relationship during thetest that has been damaged by one or both of the parties involved.

• Profile 10 Living Heroes Each UBBT participant must search out and profile (in-person interviews are not required) 10 living heroes. The 10 heroes may not include family members, war heroes, or more than one student.Okay this I can do. It adds for good fodder to the blog, too.

• Memorize One Lengthy (100 words or more) Quote, Poem, or Piece that is Meaningful to YouThe quote “Mastery” is an example of a suitable piece –and participants may choose that one –or one that speaks to them. Done- The Jabberwocky. It speaks to me.

• “Mastery” can be found in the UBBT’s member’s only website.Seek Out a MasterEach candidate will be required to seek out one master (of any discipline in or out of the martial arts), conduct and interview and, if possible, study with him or her. What is this, Kill Bill?

• Empathy Training1 Day Blind, 1 Day Mute, and One Day in a Wheelchair I suppose falling sleep in Chiro. Research doesn't take care of the deaf and blind one...

• Reading Requirements and 4 other titles of your choice Awww....more reading??? *sniffle* After this trimester is over.

I hurt...boo.

I have a big toe sprain. On the left is a normal sized big toe. On the right is my sprained big toe. Notice that the sprained toe is 3x the size of the other one.Cool, right. So much for training.

Birthday Blackbelt?

So today was a productive day. I reviewed stuff for my test, did some throwing, and almost killed my big toe. Serious- it bent in two directions. Thank you, ligamentous laxity. Other than spraining my big toe off a tai-otoshi with Sarge, it was a good day. Batta got ranked in aiki, so he's no longer a bottom feeder in anything, and I got some badly needed training for my future ukes. It's a good thing...getting them away from the kids. Head Sensei says end of July is impossible, and so is beginning of August. I told him the end would be the best time, so it's looking like I have my black belt test on my birthday. Woot.

But Papa Smurf Always Says....

Nobody likes a Brainy Smurf. It seems like every institution of learning has one- you know, one of those kids who in grade school complains to the substitute teacher that she's not doing like the regular teacher, who grows up to be that guy on the assembly line who complains you're deviating from the manual even if the manual is a piece of crap? That's our Brainy Smurf, a freckled piece of useless brat who'd look real good upside down in a trash can.

In class on Saturday, Head Sensei reviewed him for rank. Batta and I are understandably peeved, but nobody listens to us anyway. I, meanwhile, had a review for the test, which...for some odd reason, keeps getting shorter. The time before, we got up to nijushiho, this time we got up to rohai-dai. Probably next class, I'll only review 27 movements. Bah! The good news is that Batta is now a yellow-belly, and joins Goth Kid and the other adult in yellow-bellied purgatory. I tell Batta not to be in a rush for orange, because Orangies are bad people. Take Brainy Smurf, for instance, who was an Orangie until Saturday. Now he's a dreaded Greenie. DEATH TO ALL GREENIES!

Oh, and by the way, Happy Sensei...

THIS IS THE HYPOGLOSSAL
THIS, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS NOT

Countdown to Hell

In my last entry, I referred to this time as purgatory. Now I'm starting to think this is a spiralling descent into Hell. Head Sensei gave me August as a tentative date, right after I am burnt out from school. So much for a vacation. He also told me that he doesn't have to prepare me as much as some other people...Lazy Girl, anyone?

Purgatory begins...

I always referred to waiting for blackbelt as purgatory, because you never know when you are going to be called up. So this is where I am in my karate training, waiting patiently for my test date. Head Sensei is giving me no clue, although there is an aiki clinic at the end of June. There is always a clinic, following a blackbelt test.

Doc will be testing for sho-dan in iai rather soon, and the Bevenvolent matriarch/dictator is working on sho-dan for aiki....if Head Honcho sensei doesn't change the book again. Other than that, nothing's going on, except for the fact that kids are pissing me off. Head Sensei asked sword sensei to review me, then he threw Lazy Girl into his care as well. SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT! She cheated off of me the whole time because she doesn't know vocabulary. She should never get to ikkyu- EVER. I expressed this view to Doppleganger and she agrees with me. I know...I'm just waiting...for them to ask me to help her with her junior rank aiki stuff that she should already know. Blah.

And there's this other kid....I call him Brainy Smurf because he butts in all the time with his innate (and wrong) knowledge. "Papa Smurf says...." I just wanna punch him and put him upside down in a trash can and watch his little size 5 feet kick in a fury of helplessness. Can't complain about rules when you're stuffed in a trash can. And then, there's Wheezy Kid. *sigh*....Not 5 minutes after Benevolent Matriarch/dictator told him to carry his bo correctly did he crash into the lobby divider. "Oops..." He says. Is there any room in that trash can?

One final note- I saw Big and Little T in the mall the other day. Big T is the same, but Little T is no longer little. He's taller than his father and looks like a beanpole with flowing blond hair like Leif Garrett. I miss those guys.

Club Soda not Seals

Batta and I discovered what the end result would be if you gave a padded weapon to an overstressed chiro. student- clubbing. At least, that's what we call improper use of a goshinken stick. Poor Batta was so excited over his first rank in iai (yay!) that he jumped at the opportunity to spar me on monday. The former boxer that he is, he still is in the mindset that harder is better, and after Head Sensei scolded him for hitting too hard and not making proper cuts, Batta bought me ice cream and all is forgiven.

I have started to learn kururunfa, but to no avail, because now every other monday there's a blackbelt weapons class that Head Sensei runs during regular class and we get stuck with Happy. Argh...argh...ARGH. Happy cannot teach adults- enough said. He'd be overjoyed to teach little kids because anyone over the age of 4 can tell he doesn't practice. Half of the time he doesn't know his upper level stuff, and the stuff he does know enough to teach, he does wrong. And his grasp on anatomy and Japanese.....*shutter*.

I don't know when to expect my black belt test to be. It very well could happen that with school and Lurch and Frankenstein on my heels, that they could test first- which is just as well- I don't want to share my special day anyway.

Times, they are a training...again

Like I said, much has happened. This is part two.

You know when May hits, that things around school pick up again. The tournament is over, and rankings begin again. People start going on vacations, we start thinking about cutting goza. The cahnge around the school itself is big. We got two new flooring sections; one wood, one (not so) squishy mat squares. The wood is slippery, gets dirty easily, and has the kids trying to stomp their feet in an effort to make the loudest noise possible. The mats are coated in something extra slippery. Goth kid took a mile slide when we threw him. They also stink like new car- not that it's a bad smell, but it's pungent. I have to say it does look nice though.


The biggest change is that head honcho sensei has retired his head honcho-y title. He'll still be around, misspelling Japanese and driving us crazy with his 20,000 move reperetoire, no doubt. The number one guy took his title, and Head sensei has a new title- but it means nothing in the scope of this blog. He is still our Head Sensei :)


The kamidana is going to be moved to new wall, which means instead of saying "joseki, rei." we'll have to say something else....if that's what'll happen. Oh, and by the way- I got my last stripe! YAY! *happy Josie dance!* That means I am now an ikkyu, and will now being training for black belt. Yay!

Bork! The results of the tournament

I'm writing two entries today since so much has happened. This is part one.

The tournament was just as long and ass-blistering as it has always been, but this year I did my best showing yet. First off, I spent four hours waiting for my first event, which was empty hand kata. There were only two other people in the 18+ brown belt division (thank God!), and they were two really nice people from an isshin-ryu school. Upon realizing we were the only ones, we rejoiced because we were all getting a medal. And- continuing the tradition of going first- I did my empi kata. My dad recorded half of it on my phone, and although the speed and sharpness is there, I noticed I bounced in and out of stances somewhat. The first guy had a much harder and little bit longer kata, and was very quick and crisp. I was hoping when he hit a snag he'd lose some concentration but he recovered quickly. It was one of those mistakes you don't catch unless you are a martial artist yourself. The second guy has the same kata, but was a little slow. I thought I probably finished third, but to my surprise I finished second, with a range of 9.o-9.5- highest scores yet.

Then, we were ready for sparring. I was asked several times whether or not I was okay sparring with the boys. Now, I saw the women's black belt division later in the day. I am glad I sparred the guys! A couple of black belts from other schools stuck around to see if I'd get hammered. Because there were three of us, we drew cards to see who'd sit out, and that was me. Wee, best thing ever. I realized right away the guy who won kata was the better sparrer by far. The other guy tried a spinning back kick on him, and kicked him in the balls. I think he thought since he originally hit air, that he was in the armpit, so he lifted up the kick, raising the poor ball-squished guy off the floor. He walked it off....didn't know if he was more hurt or embarrassed, and he continued to easily win the fight. So I'm up and facing the loser, which I dispense with quickly 3-0. I think I scored backfists on all three points. The next fight was for first. I can't remember who scored first, but it was back and forth until it was 2-2. I got him with a backfist but he scored a kick to the ribs faster. Rats! But overall I was pleased. Quite a few people came up to me afterwards and said I did a good job. Yay! So I got another silver.

Several hours later....they should really KILL SELF DEFENSE DIVISION! Before that though, there was weapons division. I choose not to do it because I really wasn't prepared for it. Some girl (the same I conplained about last year doing a leglock on someone twice her size) brought a naginata. A big damn naginata of which she had no realization of where her cutting edge was. It was obvious her coach put her up to it because it was "cool" and "different". And dammit, she won. Our benevolent matriarch/dictator was grading her ring and was the only judge who I knew understood sword work, so she gave her a whole point lower than everyone else. Thank God someone else was appalled. After that, this little girl who sat next my dad and I (and had been whining forever that her ass hurt- I don't blame her) was asked to draw the winning tickets for the money prize drawings that the benevolent matriarch/dictator forces us to sell every year. For the first time, people from our school actually won something. Our benevolent matriarch/dictator won $50, her husband won $25, and Sarge's kid won the top $100 prize. I laughed when they read his name. The parent of the whiny child asked me why, and I told him it was a ten year old kid. He snorted and said, "Figures. I need gas to get home, and he'll probably spend it on video games and candy." Candy up, Sarge's kid.

Meanwhile, the kiddie blackbelt rink (which, again, they did not split up between children and teens) was going on. The little senseis are getting used to not winning anymore. Wheezy kid got a 4th in weapons. Doppleganger, despite being young enough to compete in the kiddie ranks entered herself into the adult ring and got creamed. Finally, team kata is called and I get there and wait for Doppleganger, who is waiting for sparring at her ring to end. I informed the judge who thoughtfully put my card at the bottom of the pile. As I wait with Goth kid and the older of the little senseis (they are doing the same kata they did last year), I realize that another school had the idea of competing of a guaranteed medal. A group of 6 seven-year-olds went first. They were infectiously cute-not very together, but cute. Then two kids doing 27 movements. Ouch. Then, a group of slightly older kids did a kata from the same school as the little ones. As Goth kid and his partner start, Doppleganger finally gets there. We went last and did empi. Some asshole gave us a low 7. Other than that, it was pretty much cut and dry. We placed 4th, Goth kid and little sensei 3rd, teen kids 2nd, and the giant group of little kids placed 1st (no surprise).

That was the end. We all got together to talk about it. Goth kid rambled about...something. The smaller little sensei- (which, you know, out of respect for watching so many "Flavor of Love" shows, I'm gonna call those kids Thing 1 and Thing 2) Thing 2 made a very astute comment- we can't win at our own tournament. He's right, you know.

Kata Watch 2008

There may be the primaries on, but I'm watching kata. I'm drilling empi for the tournament just three days away. It's good that I don't have school, and I can drill it outside because it's so nice out. It's not good trying to correct all the problems I have with it, and the only comments I'm really getting is "it's coming".

I had a dream that I did a sai version of Honto instead of the sai kata Head Sensei wanted me to do and won. I liked that dream, so I tried practicing it. Problem is though it looks like shit, so I abandon it....must get empi ready. That's my goal.

As far as sparring goes, I am just going to commit to it and watch my leaning. That's the best I can do.

Head Sensei, meet Batta's parents....

So far, things have been pretty uneventful- that is to say, uneventful despite my growing anger at the situation of school. But I digress- I refuse to harbor negativity here that I haven't already spit out to Batta a hundred times before.

The whole school is being redone. New floor has been put in. It's those wood panellings that snap together like tinker toys. Looks beautiful, but it's a death trap. Sword kata on your knees kills, and kids are already falling over like dominos during sparring. A moment of silence though, for my dear old arch nemesis, the giant crater in the middle of the ceramic floor. May you never turn my ankle again *TAPS*. By Wednesday, there will be floor cushions in place of the other half of the floor. No more putting down those shitty mats. Ah, and I remember when we first bought those yellow vinyl crapscicles.

Owl has resurfaced at our school- why, I don't know. My guess is, he doesn't want to be a white belt at another school again. He's having too much fun being the big (stinky) cheese. He made an off-hand comment about how he can give us (Batta and I) pushups. I said, "No, you can't." and gave him the death stare. I have learned this ancient technique from Head Sensei and the Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator. It keeps the kids in line without so much as a word, yet makes them pee their pants. Stupid Owl. Oh, and Owl's little brother whom I will call Little Hoot is a purple belt who can't tie his belt on still. *Bangs head on wall*

So this weekend was the end of finals at chiro. school, and Batta's parents came up to help him move into his new house before he goes home for the break. We thought it'd be funny to drag them to class and watch as I threw Batta from one end of the dojo to the other. We were worried Mother Batta would be bored, but she enjoyed it. She even giggled out loud when Head Sensei hit him with a goshinken stick. Thanks to them showing up, it was probably one of the best classes I've had in a while.

Tournament troubles...as always

Amongst the trials of two weeks of finals- which have depleted our sanity, health, and root beer- Batta and I have been subjected to the annual crapfest that is preparing for the tournament. Once again, the little kids who monpolize time anyway are given special attention, in which head sensei teaches katas way too hard for ten year olds to comprehend. Wheezy kid has a tonfa kata- *sigh* - he's still about 4'7" and can barely hold them, let alone can do the sai kata he should be doing. Oh, and....I wonder if someone's gonna tell him to take the stickers off of them.

There's so many reason I hate the tournament- takes away instruction time, takes too long, I usually have to do it, etc. Blah blah blah. But the one thing I hate the most is taking my refined katas to the tournament only to realize you are in the same division as some professional whose katas are so hard he/she can do a shit job and still win. ARGH! But of course, Head Sensei talks me into doing it every year, and I suppose this year is no different. I only wish Batta could come, but he will be away.

I HATE SPARRING. I can't fathom how the rules for point sparring teaches you everything except how to cheat the rules to your advantage. There's nothing worse than a Tae Kwon Do professional white belt doing shitty pump kicks to try to push you out of the ring, or those people that push the boundaries of "no contact" *laugh* by drilling you in the face and acting like it was an accident. We've been sparring a lot recently (thanks, Batta) and I have a couple of choice bruises to show for it. We wished we sparred more frequently, instead of doing a ton of it just before the tourney. It is pretty much a guarantee even time we do, that someone ends up getting hurt. This time is was Tank's kid. Oh well, Darwinism.

I can't really understand if participating in this tourney every year is doing me any good. It certainly won't get me ranked any faster, or hold any promise of shiny medals and more confidence. I suppose I do it out of boredom. I must go to school out of boredom, too. Rats.

Everything is Fixed with Duck Tape.

Batta and I have been upset lately by how things are being run at the school. Moreso, Batta may quit. *sniff*

To start, that kid Owl quit. Duh. Like I didn't see that coming. I am quite thankful that little brat is gone, being that he always felt the need to give (usually incorrect) teaching advice- however, I am sick and tired of helping kids take their black belt test only quit as soon as that belt rests on their waists. I know there is supposedly a difference in rankings between junior and senior ranks, but I'm not seeing it.

Then, there is that talk I had with Head Sensei about what happened at the clinc. He tried to assure me that there was nothing wrong with me- that some of the black belts like to blow smoke out their asses and not to worry about. I realize now that comment made against me was more of an insult to him, but...

And then Batta got injured. He was an uke for kani hasami (flying scissors) and Doppleganger hooked him the wrong way. He nearly broke his clavicle, and I'm quite suprised he didn't seperate his shoulder, but all he did was ligament damage. And yet, Poor Batta, he is more pissed off at not testing for his yellow belt (see me, circa four and half years ago). He's been working with this kid who I'll call Beagle for his trademark dazed and confused look (and lack of attention), who for all intents and purposes, has the learning ability of a squished gnat. He's been there three months and he can't roll, fall, throw a punch, or remember the vocabulary for anything. Who the hell has been teaching him? Oh yeah, that's right- kids.

Wheezy Kid teaching us...I don't want to remember this, so I'm injecting another memory into this blog space. Duck tape. Doppleganger made good on her promise to Batta after he ate a bowl of ice cream and didn't throw up at an aiki clinic, so now batta has duck tape. Quack Quack Quack- little kid black belt don't exist in my world - QUACK QUACK QUACK.

Things I can do with Batta's shiny new roll of duck tape:

• Make him a new belt
• make him a sling to match his new belt
• create a weapon capable of destroying junior students
• cut it with my sword
• tape kids' mouths shut
• tape Wheezy Kid to the ceiling to see if anybody misses him
• tape closed the gigantic crater that is forming in the cement floor of our school
• use some of it as an adjustive tool at chiro. schooleat it- it might taste okay

Baa-baa, black ninja sheep

I am bored in martial arts right now. So here is another update on ranks:

aiki and iai- no change

Karate

me, Lazy Girl, Lurch- ni-kyu

number of total brownies: 4

fuzzy head twins, Tank- purple

number of total people people eaters: 3

Punky, Sarge's kid- green with stripe. Sarge: green

number of total Greenies: 5

Goth kid: yellow

Batta & Skittles: white

Clinic...Schmimick

So I have been taking Batta to classes, and being that we both missed two so far, we thought it would be a great idea to go to the karate clinic. Boy, was I mistaken. I suppose if one good thing is to come out of it, it's that I know I stil have some work before black belt...for sure.

The last time I went to Karate Clinic, I was still a white belt and didn't own a black gi. This apparently gave the right for some woman to berate me up and down. This fate was unfortunately, 4 years later, shared by Batta. It has become aggravating how some of the blackbelts in our system think they have the right to step all over anyone who isn't their student. I understand that our school- be it full of kids and tiny and overcrowded- seems to carry a certain distain by other schools in our system, most likely due to the fact we are the furthest east and we don't concentrate on competing. Excuse me all to Hell. It's not like a lowly brown belt can do anything to change the school's situation (even if I wanted to), but whatever.

There were a few stations- aiki, self-defense, iai, sparring, and kata. Aiki was ...eh, okay. Apparently, I have a problem with "flow". Self-defense was the worst. Not only was I made to feel like an idiot, one of the blackbelts made a back-handed compliment about how fast I was being ranked. The only good thing about it was I got to make aquaintance with a blonde who bore a striking resemblance to the bad guy in Karate Kid. Iai, thank goodnesss, was right after and was a total gimme. I felt better after seeing the older guy in our group continually hold the bokken upside down. Sparring was deathly. I got my ass kicked, primarily because I never spar and these guys always spar. *sigh* Then it was kata. *sigh* again. We were doing taikyoko shodan as a group and failing miserably. I was so glad time ran out before having to show my kata. The one guy who did empi was awesome. I'm glad I didn't have to follow it up I didn't care too much for kata because they were only interested in showing us how to compete, which I don't like.

So Batta and I went to class on monday to show what we had learned. Goth Kid also went, but I think he was on a medication low because he recalled nothing. I deliberately isolated the adults so we could work on self-defense. Batta was thankful I didn't do 27 movements again as he is sick of it. I laugh. History repeats itself. Batta and I both agreed that if any regular drunk was going to knock one out , it'd be with a haymaker (cue the clueless looks). "You know, guys- a roundhouse punch?" "Ohh!!" This sparked a conversation with Batta about barfights in Newark. "Did you really get into a barfight?" one of the little senseis asks. "Yes, lots of them." Batta answers. He inspires fear and that makes me strangely happy. We also sparred with goshinkens, which Batta loved. Silly Batta. He was so proud of the bruise head sensei left on his face.

Titles that make no sense! The legend of Batta-kun continues.

Batta and I are having a lot of fun doing aiki when we should be studying. It 's a great stress reliever. It is nice to have someone my age again in class. During his karate session with Sword Sensei, I saw Skittles tug on his sleeve and whisper something to him. When I asked Batta what he said, he told me, "Hey, you're a white belt, like me." How precious. Then aiki sensei chucked him, and there was a Batta-shaped splat grooved into the mat. Hehehe

It is good to teach Batta as it helps me to review. And review is the word, nyo. The first or so of March is the next round of black belt tests. I realized when talking to Sarge that I will be the first adult the school has tested for blackbelt in almost three years. Scary... The last was Short Sensei. Who knows when my test will be....August, I am guessing? That's the next time in between trimesters. I won't be ready in April, and in any case, that's when the tourney is.

They are testing Wheezy kid and Owl. *sigh* They really, REALLY need to wait with them. I don't foresee either one of those kids running (and controlling) their own group of kids successfully. On Monday, I had a bunch of purple and brown belts who were, for a lack of a better term, uninspired by kata. I made them each lead a group kata with disasterous results, and explained to tell why. If they couldn't lead a kata they should know by heart, then they didn't know it, which meant they wouldn't get their black belt. So there. Sensei means "teacher", kiddies. Anyways, I think I shocked poor Batta with my authoritarian style. I am still cute though. :)

Bork! The Legend of Batta-kun begins!

I have started bringing my friend from school into martial arts. I call him Batta (Grasshopper) as he is my student. I brought him to class on Saturday, hoping he would like it as much as I do. He always wanted to do karate, apparently. But when I told him about aiki and iai, he wanted to do that too! Crazy little grasshopper.

Batta is like a smaller version of Tank- he's a bit skinnier and not as tall but built the same way. He says he wants to be a little more sculpted (don't we all?) so I recommended he start going to class with me and see if he liked it. I was kinda nervous- he is the first person I have ever taken to meet Head Sensei and however he behaved, I knew would reflect onto me. Luckily, Batta is okay.

He really likes aiki. He was worried about how throwing would feel on his back but we told him to just remember to bend his knees and look up so he'd never have to strain it. He really liked the throws, and he's got good knees, which means he'll be Head Sensei's favorite uke in a few months. I taught him how to roll and fall. He even did a side fall when I accidentally threw him once (which surprised the crap out of him- he didn't think I could pick him up). He was less than enthuised with karate. He doesn't like kicking, and who wouldn't when you're as tall as he is? A guy his size would probably just pummel someone with one punch anyways. Doppleganger really drilled him on kick and horse stance, which he doesn't like either. Iai was funny. I bet Batta he would hit the ceiling and he did- twice. He also hit Goth Kid, who was trying to teach him WAY too much information. I was disappointed I couldn't teach him for two classes but I was watching him. He's got a long road ahead of him. I like Batta. I hope he stays with us.