Alright, I'll ro-sham-bo you for it

Okay, a while back, I saw a martial arts documentary on the Discovery Channel about martial arts. One of the styles was called "Jukokai Combat Ki"- sounds a bit sketchy, but basically the idea is to channel ki in a way that allows you to sustain any type of hit. Here's a picture in the gallery section, first picture on this site. Here Look at it. Go on. Really look at it. Tell me you don't think "OOOOUUCCHH". All I could think of while I was watching the segment on it was, "Alright, I'll kick you in the nuts as hard as you can, and you kick me in the nuts..." One thing is for sure- if you were to say you are a blackbelt in roshambo-jutsu, nobody would dare test your honesty. At least, not sane people, anyway. Ahhhh....

I got hit in the F%@king face....again!!!

I hate getting hit in the face. I think I'm a magnet for hits. Either I suck as a martial artist, or I'm just really fun to hit. We spar in iai class with these things called goshin-ken, foam sticks that aren't supposed to hurt, and the idea is not to try to hurt someone when sparring anyways. Class wasn't exactly fun to start with anyways. Oh, and by the way Nerdverd, when the sensei tells you to spread out, he doesn't mean "wander around behind sword-swinging people like a douche-bag".
A page from the Baka dictionary:

spread (sprd)v. spread, spread·ing, spreads v. tr.
1)To make wider the gap between; move farther apart: spread her fingers.
2)To distribute widely
Sentence: Spread out , so you don't hit somebody.

douche-bag (dōōsh bāg)n. to be a dumbass and a jerk simultaneously.
Sentence: Stop being such a douche-bag, Nerdverd.

Anyways, I've had a problem recently with people in iai hitting me in the head with the sticks, and, as a result, sensei suggested I wear a helmet. Yay, I've been demoted to junior class in terms of care. I'd hate having be to the only adult who has to wear a helmet, so I didn't. Karma sucks. For the past week or so, I've been complaining to my dad about the illegal head shots, and my dad's been saying "hit 'em back." So I did tonight. Nerdverd hit me in the face and I went after him. I think I stunned the class. It's not that I advocate revenge or anything, but I'm at the end of my nice girl rope. Nothing really happened as a result of it- other than I now have to wear a helmet like the little kids. Whoopie.
On a side note, I want a heartless. I think they're cute. I would trade my beagle for one. They'd be quieter, and far less hungry.

What's it all for?

There's hitting a plateau in your training, and then, there's hitting a brick wall. I once again had trouble sleeping the night before my weekly 3-hour onslaught of martial arts classes, and I made up my mind sometime before I fell asleep for three hours that if I was feeling shitty when I woke up, I wouldn't go. So, I woke up- 3 minutes before my alarm. I felt shitty.
I think it largely stems from a conversation I had with my dad about my frustrations over iai class. The class had nearly doubled over the summer, and now there's hardly enough room to practice. I suspect the presense of Nerverd may also be contributing to my recently negative outlook, but it's not all his fault. I'm frustrated that I've really stopped learning, and that I'm just going through the motions of practicing without actually practicing anything. I had the passing thought that I should skip classes just to break up the rhythm, and to see if anyone actually missed me. So I pulled the covers over my head and slept until one.
I wish I could understand what was wrong with me. I'm far too young to be feeling so damn old, and I always have the fear that I'm wasting my time (not to mention money) on classes. I've only been here a year and I'm in fear of burning out. I wonder if this was how one of our younger sensei felt, the one taking a break. I wonder if he feels any guilt when he misses classes, or maybe he doesn't miss it at all. In that case, I envy him. I hate the fact that finances or my own mental health is eventually going to force me to leave martial arts. But, if I'm not happy with it, why should I care in the first place? What am I doing this for, anyway?

Snark-infested waters

Like sands through the hourglass...these are the tales of our snarking. In case you don't know, "to snark" means to go or to watch things you know you'll hate for the primary purpose of making fun of them. My day was filled with snarking. I was dragged to a bridal shower, and forced to watch the Emmys- thanks Jennifer :( .

So I've been pretty sick recently- I've had a sinus infection that just won't go away. And frankly, when you are dragged to a shower filled with a half a dozen screaming kids while you have a headache AND you have to watch your Mom spike the virgin punch bowl insisting that half a box (yes, I said box) of wine is not really alcohol, it's time for snarking. So Josie puts on her snark alarm and lines up all of the swan dinner-mint-filled party favors in an all-out assault for possession of my Jenny's cake. Mm, cake. We also battled the swans in a fight to the death wrestling match (complete with commentary, of course). That killed about two seconds.

And now for the past three hours I've been snarking the Emmys. I'm sorry, but any awards show that awards itself is a piece of shit. *snark alarm* Ahhhh, fuck! The Black Eyed Peas! they're everywhere!!! And those Desperate Housewife whores can kiss my ass. Oh yeah, and let's give "Everybody love Raymond" yet another award. All this award show makes me wanna do is stick a fork in my eye and never watch TV again. But there's good stuff- Jon Steward won an Emmy and delivered a heavily (and creatively) censored monolongue, and the Shat (William Shatner" sang. Yes, he sang.

God, help me.

There is this kid, who- for purposes of avoiding getting sued- I will leave nameless. He joined our class not too long ago, with a gi he had previously bought for who knows what reason (probably cosplay). He also has this black bokken, which looks like it was terribly soaked in cheap paint, that he thinks is cool. These two things bothered me the moment I met him. Now, what kid already has a hakama and gi set that they spend $90+ dollars on, and it's not even the right color? We wear black, he wears blue. And his bokken is the tackiest piece of shit I have ever seen. It's just not right...a black bokken. I thought that in enough was strange. Then, he found out I went to Japan, and his eyes turned into dinnerplates.
By the way, I have to explain to you what this guy reminds me of. He reminds me of an "urkel meets DND Dungeonmaster" that's spent the better part of his teenage years yanking off to Asuka from Eva. This guy reads TOO MUCH INTERNET. One of his first comments to our head sensei was, "That's not how I learned it online," to which we all groaned. Let me say this, first and foremost, to anyone out there looking to begin in martial arts- start in a dojo, not at your computer desk. Incidentally, this kid's got a lot of useless garble stuck in his head from books he only read parts of to do-it-yourself money-back-guarantee fly-by-night online "schools". Anyone seen Napolean Dynamite with the Rex Kwon Do scene? yuh.... This guy does not know the difference between kendo and iai-jutsu (the style we study), and thinks they're the same or should be the same. He told us once he saw some kendo in an anime and thought it was cool because kendo has a lot of hot babes in it. Hmm...number of girls in our iai class? (tally....1! Me!) AAHHHH!!! I'm trying to be as dissinterested as possible without coming off as a bitch, but christ, this kid wouldn't know subtlety if it knocked him over the head with a oar (which, by the way, he has tried to bring to class to use because Musashi used it).
I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a few weeks, until he made two comments that bugged the shit out of me. One dealt with his "expert knowledge" which he no doubtedly picked up from the net. He was talking with this one kid, a young teen, about his expertise in drinking. Now, picture this, and tell me if this kid has much of a social life:

• He has a sizable lisp.
• He has big, thick coke-bottle glasses.
• He openly talks about DND
• He thinks he's the next Musashi

So, the first thing that flys out of his mouth is, "I've been to lots of parties" <> Did I also mention we suspect this kid is a chronic liar? So, anyway, to finish his thought, "I've eben to lots of parties, and I know that sake rated based on how sweet the grapes are."Now, I guess that comment would be alright to the young teen, but even he knew probably that 1) sake is rated by how dry it is and 2) sake is made from rice. *sigh* Thing number two was his reasoning for his interest in my being in Japan. He asked me if I had any friends who lived near some temple I don't remember the name of. I said, "I dunno, why?" and he replied, "Because I'm looking for a place to stay in Japan until they accept me for monk training." <>

I"m gonna start a character in my comix section based on him called "Nerdverd Von Stone"- my brother began this character as a bratty, dorky villian. I think it's come time we revive him. I'm also gona start a list called "Nerdverd-isms". Every time he says something stupid, I'm gonna write it down here. In closing, here's some now.

Nerdverd-isms

• "I'm totally samurai"
• "Ow, he hurt me"
• "Oops, hit the wall."
• ''I'm in training to be a monk."
• "I've heard of chanabarrah (chambara). Is that where they beat you with stuff?"
• "By the way, how long does it take to stop your head from bleeding?"
• "I can't see...I'm just gonna wail 'til I hit something."
• "Oops, hit the wall again."
• "Sorry sensei, I won't do it again. What'd I do?"
• "I played Kendo before in my back yard."
• "How much is a sword, 50? A hundred?"
• "Oops, hit the ceiling."

...and that's just this past summer.