KIDDIE BLACK BELT IN A BLENDER!!!!
*WU WUWUW-WOOOSH!*
...Oh, the screaming, and yet, I cannot stop pressing "frappe" :)
*WU WUWUW-WOOOSH!*
...Oh, the screaming, and yet, I cannot stop pressing "frappe" :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Because Wheezy Kid, in his Absolutely Amazing Blubber of Uselessness, has Broken my Spirit,,,
Because I cannot fathom how a kid got to be a black belt and still cannot chill out long enough to STAND AT ATTENTION AT THE END OF CLASS FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS...I leave you this riddle. What's small, and useless, and fits in my blender? Give up? It's:
Thursday, March 05, 2009
It's P45X, Beetches!
After deciding that the upper belt kiddies have gotten too soft with warm-ups, I decided to set a new standard. I remember when I was in school and had to do the physical fitness test, involving things like running a mile in under 12 minutes and doing 2 pull ups. The requirements for females were so ridiculously easy compared to males, that I could do the requirements in my sleep.Now granted, nobody except cross country kids like to run, and pull-ups just suck. However, the people that couldn't reach the fitness goals usually had a lot of excess weight or were asthmatic. By contrast, there is nothing wrong with these kids in our karate class. They are just lazy. A kid about 80 pounds should be able to do a push-up- this means you, Mr. Junior Brown Belt Foobar!
So in the interest of not wanting to sit through another 3 hour black belt test because these kids have no cardio and it takes forever for them to finish KATA of all things, I took it upon myself to run a warm-up that actually speeds up your heart rate for once. I call it "P45X"- a workout for little out-of-shape kiddies. Forty-five minutes of work- not barely stretching, not standing in line for half a class- pure karate work. I'm waiting to see how long this will take to get parents in an uproar.
The thing about this experiment is that the kids seem to cheat more the higher ranked they are. So, watch out black belts. You get P60X. :)
So in the interest of not wanting to sit through another 3 hour black belt test because these kids have no cardio and it takes forever for them to finish KATA of all things, I took it upon myself to run a warm-up that actually speeds up your heart rate for once. I call it "P45X"- a workout for little out-of-shape kiddies. Forty-five minutes of work- not barely stretching, not standing in line for half a class- pure karate work. I'm waiting to see how long this will take to get parents in an uproar.
The thing about this experiment is that the kids seem to cheat more the higher ranked they are. So, watch out black belts. You get P60X. :)
Monday, March 02, 2009
Roo, roo. A rather long rant.
I was going to put this chapter in my memoirs, but since a lot of things concerning this subject have been bothering me recently, it might be better served here:
Dear newly appointed black belts, sensei, sihing, sifu, etc.,
Never, never, EVER forget yourself as a white belt. It’s true- you may have sucked then. You may have been unskilled, unknowing (perhaps even uncoordinated). All the more reason to never forget- because while you were all of those things, you were also curious, teachable, eager to learn… These are good qualities in a student. It is when these qualities fade away with time and experience that you fall into trouble. As I have said repeatedly, “sensei” means “teacher”, and a good teacher can learn from his or her mistakes as well as refresh old material through teaching other students. A good teacher is, in fact, a student. And when a teacher stops learning by conscious choice, he or she ceases to be of use, and a black belt of no use is a travesty.
How can I convey to you my concerns for your well-being? Nobody said this would be easy, and everyone told you that your are only just beginning to learn your art when you hit black belt, but I wonder if you really appreciate what that means exactly. I will tell you how it’s been, the first 6 months of my karate sho-dan reign. Phase one- I am newly minted, feeling good (if a little run down still from the test) and all is well. Phase two- probably a day after my test, it occurs to me nothing has changed at all. A big let down from the high. I still have to teach as much as before, and I start nothing new. Phase three- I realize that my rank means nothing, and as I watch others the same rank as I hold their own so horrifically with teaching, I come to realize (although I have always known in some respect) that rank does not equal value. Phase four- I am left to my own devices more often than not, and it is frustrating. More teaching now, as I am hailed “a great teacher” and no longer really a student, which is all I ever wanted to be when I joined as a white belt. Phase five- I am here now. It is filled with uncertainty, exhaustion from the struggle to keep interested, and anger at my fellow sho-dans who are selfish in only thinking about ni-dan. This is all in the first six months of being a black belt.
What’s to be made of this? Well, number one, there is life after black belt. Rest assured. There are infinite numbers of forms to learn, and you can learn them all to your heart’s content if that’s what makes you happy. Or, you can have your own group of rugrats and create a mini-you army, if that’s your thing. The key to happiness is obscured. Ironically, it shows itself when you just don’t give a shit anymore and let thing be as they are. What makes me happy? My oar, teaching adults, watching Batta grow as a martial artist, and my sword (my favorite instrument which has been my meditation weapon of choice since practically day one)-these things keep me grounded.
Want to remember what it was like when things were simpler, and you had the freedom to screw up on things without anyone giving you a hard time? It’s easy. Remember yourself as a white belt. Take up a new art, or just a new weapon. Run through all your forms and see if you can do it without forgetting a step. Watch someone you love struggle through the beginner ranks. Whatever you do, be humbled. You will learn so much. Please don’t ever become that teacher whom nobody wants to be paired with, or that guy who everyone grumbles behind his or her back. Don’t become complacent with what you need for your next rank. The martial arts world doesn’t need you if you’re going to be like that. A lot of your black belt friends will quit soon. This may come as a shock, but the biggest attrition time in martial arts classes (not counting white belts that don’t stay) after brown belts being scared of the black belt test, is when new black belts quit a couple months after getting that black belt. Sure, you will say, “Won’t happen to me.” Don’t be so sure.
New black belts of all ages and styles, I implore you, if you want your black belt to mean anything, you must now earn that title. That’s right- getting the belt is the easy part. It’s the rest of your career you need to worry about now. Don’t fret though- as I tell all kids teaching others for the first time, “keep it simple, stupid!” Stupid, like a white belt. Good Luck.
Dear newly appointed black belts, sensei, sihing, sifu, etc.,
Never, never, EVER forget yourself as a white belt. It’s true- you may have sucked then. You may have been unskilled, unknowing (perhaps even uncoordinated). All the more reason to never forget- because while you were all of those things, you were also curious, teachable, eager to learn… These are good qualities in a student. It is when these qualities fade away with time and experience that you fall into trouble. As I have said repeatedly, “sensei” means “teacher”, and a good teacher can learn from his or her mistakes as well as refresh old material through teaching other students. A good teacher is, in fact, a student. And when a teacher stops learning by conscious choice, he or she ceases to be of use, and a black belt of no use is a travesty.
How can I convey to you my concerns for your well-being? Nobody said this would be easy, and everyone told you that your are only just beginning to learn your art when you hit black belt, but I wonder if you really appreciate what that means exactly. I will tell you how it’s been, the first 6 months of my karate sho-dan reign. Phase one- I am newly minted, feeling good (if a little run down still from the test) and all is well. Phase two- probably a day after my test, it occurs to me nothing has changed at all. A big let down from the high. I still have to teach as much as before, and I start nothing new. Phase three- I realize that my rank means nothing, and as I watch others the same rank as I hold their own so horrifically with teaching, I come to realize (although I have always known in some respect) that rank does not equal value. Phase four- I am left to my own devices more often than not, and it is frustrating. More teaching now, as I am hailed “a great teacher” and no longer really a student, which is all I ever wanted to be when I joined as a white belt. Phase five- I am here now. It is filled with uncertainty, exhaustion from the struggle to keep interested, and anger at my fellow sho-dans who are selfish in only thinking about ni-dan. This is all in the first six months of being a black belt.
What’s to be made of this? Well, number one, there is life after black belt. Rest assured. There are infinite numbers of forms to learn, and you can learn them all to your heart’s content if that’s what makes you happy. Or, you can have your own group of rugrats and create a mini-you army, if that’s your thing. The key to happiness is obscured. Ironically, it shows itself when you just don’t give a shit anymore and let thing be as they are. What makes me happy? My oar, teaching adults, watching Batta grow as a martial artist, and my sword (my favorite instrument which has been my meditation weapon of choice since practically day one)-these things keep me grounded.
Want to remember what it was like when things were simpler, and you had the freedom to screw up on things without anyone giving you a hard time? It’s easy. Remember yourself as a white belt. Take up a new art, or just a new weapon. Run through all your forms and see if you can do it without forgetting a step. Watch someone you love struggle through the beginner ranks. Whatever you do, be humbled. You will learn so much. Please don’t ever become that teacher whom nobody wants to be paired with, or that guy who everyone grumbles behind his or her back. Don’t become complacent with what you need for your next rank. The martial arts world doesn’t need you if you’re going to be like that. A lot of your black belt friends will quit soon. This may come as a shock, but the biggest attrition time in martial arts classes (not counting white belts that don’t stay) after brown belts being scared of the black belt test, is when new black belts quit a couple months after getting that black belt. Sure, you will say, “Won’t happen to me.” Don’t be so sure.
New black belts of all ages and styles, I implore you, if you want your black belt to mean anything, you must now earn that title. That’s right- getting the belt is the easy part. It’s the rest of your career you need to worry about now. Don’t fret though- as I tell all kids teaching others for the first time, “keep it simple, stupid!” Stupid, like a white belt. Good Luck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
