We did it, koala.

It still doesn't seem real to me. And it wasn't the best test that I could have done. but it's done. I now have a black belt in karate. It's strange. Suddenly, I'm no longer that "kinda sensei"- that title belongs to Goth Kid now. I'm at the fork in the road.

I cannot say for sure what went through my head, and I have waited a couple of days to sort out my thoughts so I can reflect on the experience properly, but I can't I'm drawing a blank. It's if as this time, the shodan test meant less than my first one. I feel unfulfilled in a sense. Maybe it was because Batta and my dad didn't come (and neither did half of the people expected), or maybe it was because of my broken foot, but the whole experience feels unfinished. Was this the big moment in everyone's martial arts career? I hope not. I hope as everyone says, this is just the beginning, and there is more down the road. We shall see.

I guess the thing that concerns me is that I don't really feel proud of myself for the achievement that I worked so hard for. It makes me sad. It's over- it's not like I get a second stab at it, not that I'd want to. Collectively, I really do think I've earned this. It's been 4+ years of blood, sweat, sprains, obscenities, tears, agrravations, and bumbles to get to this point. I wish I could have done better- that's the thing, I guess. I wish a lot of thing had been different. But here I sit, hugging my Karate Koala which a friend of mine gave me when I started this journey, and I remember why this experience was so important. Given all of these setbacks, I have endured. And sometimes in life, that is the toughest thing to do. So I dedicate this experience to those who have helped me get there; all the people who taught me, who did it before, who never got to do it, who are going to do it. This is for you.

A much heartfelt thank you to: my Batta, Verizon Guy, the Applebee's guy (I forgive you for leaving a week after you hit this milestone.) my favorite mall music store worker (who was weeks away from this milestone- I hope you found the happiness and peace of mind in whatever you chose to do that you could not find in martial arts), The T family, Tank, Sarge, Cigarette Man, Wally, the Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator (to whom I credit my teaching style), Peanut, Doppleganger, Goth Kid, Skittles, Wheezy Kid, all the professional children I have ever taught, Beagle, Head Sensei, Head Honcho sensei, Sword Sensei, Short Sensei, Spam, Doc and Sneezy, certain two college people (who I blame for ALL of this martial arts stuff!), my teachers from college, my friend martial artists from chiro college (for keeping me sane), and yes, even you, Nerdverd (whereever you are) AND EVERYONE ELSE I HAVE EVER MENTIONED IN THIS BLOG.

THANK YOU.