Something smells rank here...

I'm starting to enter the "middle phase" of my kyu training. It's an interesting time, and I won't have a lack of things to study, that's for sure. I've just finished learning heian godan, a kata I really like. I hated ni dan and I'm glad I have something to balance it out with when I practice. I'm going to karate full time now, and I bought a nice new black gi (no more white aiki gi on monday when there's no aiki going on!). Haven't really learned anything new in sword other that my blocking basics have taken a slide. I'm starting to think about what katas I want to do for the tournament in late April. It'd be nice to do some aiki in the self-defense division. It might be funny to see a little me kick the butts of ukes twice her size. I dunno about competitiveness, but hell, it'd be fun. Last year the kid who won did some crazy crap that'd I never in a million years do on the street (tomoe-nage was one move). My goals this year are:

compete in kata, SD, and kumite divisions

not finish last

not break something

Lofty ambitions, huh? Well last night, a friend of mine made purple belt. He's about my age, and he shared my frustrations with not being able to keep up with everyone else as far as rank goes, so he's someone I've grown to respect. I'm really glad for him. I'm still on the lifetime orange belt plan, and the belt is starting to fall apart. Stupidest reason ever for wanting a green belt? My poor build-a-bear named Karate koala. This is an old pic of him, he wears an orange belt now (came with all the colored belts). One of my friends saw him and says, "He's only an orange belt? My dog can take him." Poor K.K. Tough as nails, soft like his basic skills.

How important is it to you?

I had a recnt run-in with kids in my iai class. They were talking in class- actually, while waiting in line. One of them, Nerdverd, complained that he practiced all the time but seemingly wasn't getting any better. I almost snorted- I had this vision of Nerdverd with his katana while copying moves from "kill bill". I wanted to say, "maybe you're not practicing correctly", but hell, who knows? Then they started talking about ranks. Another kid complained that because he played hockey, he couldn't get higher-ranked. He's been there longer than I have, and could be my rank or higher if he didn't skip classes from october to march every year. It's kind of a "Well, you can't do both and expect to be good in both" type thing. So the conversation switched to me and how I was ranked higher than all of them, and then they started kind of bickering about how it was because I went to class all the time, unlike them. Then, head sensei gave him a dirty look for talking so much, and I told them, "Hey, maybe it has something to do with not paying attention." They shut up.

So tired...bork.

I've been recovering from starting a new job these past couple weeks, and nothing much has gone on. I've been working on my new sword kata and painting my sword case. It should (in theory) look pretty nice. I'm really tired though and my asthma is starting to creep back into my class routine. Last aiki class I thought I was going to have an attack. I'd like to go to the doctor but right now I have neither the time nor the money. I hope something happens soon so I can concentrate on something else- a new kata or something. My dog is driving me crazy. He loves to wake me up at night now that I have a day job. Bork! I have class tomorrow, and if I hear that again, I'm gonna take him to class to be an uke. That is an appropriate job for a dog named Bucket, after all.

That rubber-necker who watches class through the window

I had a rewarding and perhap roughest week of martial arts so far. I got promoted to ni-kyu in my iai class. It was unexpected for me, though I thought I was probably close. I'm happy, though a bit nervous as the next test for i-kyu is the last one before sho-dan. I feel knowledgeable, maybe moreso than some of my fellow students, but I feel also like a little kid sometimes. I enjoy the challenge of a new rank. Now, if I can only get the people around my rank to show up for class. I had a rough aiki week. On wednesday some chick showed up taking pictures for the paper and if there's one thing I hate most, it's probably a camera in my face. I was so pissed off at the presence of the camera that I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing. I think the only pics she took of me was when sensei had to help me out with a technique. Blah, cameras. Anyways, at the end of class one of my sensei asked if there was anyone who wanted to go to the hombu the next evening for aiki class. I'd never been there, and since I didn't have anything to do, I went with him. From the time he picked me up, I learned new things- even how to get out of a ticket in a particular county. I got there, and it was packed. A lot of sensei go to class at the hombu, and I felt quite out of place. The closest to me in rank was a purple belt. Hnashi taught the class- he was really patient, and he helped me out a lot. I paired up with a brown belt in karate who seemed a little lost too, so that helped a bit. My ego, if I had any, was completely smashed during this class.There was one point where we lined up and did throws- since I was only a white belt, I felt kinda stupid, and I didn't know what to do. They told me "Do what you know" so we worked on o-uchi gari. I had a lot more trouble doing in on the senseis than I ever had in class. It was like hitting a brick wall. I learned I really have to work on off-balancing more, something they work at the hombu a lot, apparently. I learned a lot, but at the same time, I felt insecure. I shouldn't expect much being a white belt, I guess, but even so. I think when I actually do earn my blue belt, it'll be worth more than any black belt I ever get. Being dyslexic, asthmatic, and built like a stick doesn't do much for my ego in this art. Because of that I think I wanna earn this belt more than any other. Maybe even more than than elusive karate green belt. I went back to aiki on saturday and my senseis asked how I did. The sensei I went with told them all I did great job and that I was getting picked on all class (which I was)- apparently that's a compliment. Hanshi kept saying stuff like, "Where is she from? Does she have a note?" Head sensi laughed and said if Hanshi asked about me he'd deny alll knowledge of me by saying, "Who? Wait, you mean that red-headed kid who watches class through the window?"

The Lifetime Orange Belt Plan

I haven't been think clearly lately- my training's been faulty as of late. I'm not sure if I'm getting better or worse, and a couple things are to blame. I've been practicing a lot lately when I can- the weather hasn't been too nice recently for sword practice. And the job I had for two months- 3rd shift, 11:00pm to 7:00am. It sucked! I cannot believe people do this for years on end. I missed the summer when I didn't have to worry about how I was gonna pay bills and martial arts classes.Bork, says Bucket beagle, who likes to wake up Josie when she's trying to sleep. The lack of sleep's made me irritated at class. I know I'm not performing at aiki class like I should- the names of techniques I know and have done hundreds of times fly out of my head when I'm called upon to name them. Bah. I'm also having a hard time keeping focused. I feel like I'm doing nothing but the same kata over and over and over- not that it's stupid, I believe practice makes perfect, but geez when the class days all blend together, it sucks. Last saturday was tough. I was tired, and I bumbled a lot in aiki. Karate was okay- I'm working on my basics so I can get off the lifetime orange belt plan. It's a bad sign when the kids who were white belts six months ago are passing you. I'm attempting to turn around my slump. I'm gonna paint my sword case really nice, and I'm gonna practice my katas more often. And sleep.

I think the squirrels are better swordsmen

I got to close out class yesterday. Boy, was that an experience. I stood up there in front of everyone- the pair of caddy soon-to-be blackbelt 9 and and 10 year olds, the married couple, and two of my senseis from karate that just started. Eep! Good thing I've been recently practicing this on my own. We were taught the eight basic Toyama-ryu kata in a matter of three days, so i have them all sloshing in my head. Luckily, I was smart enough Saturday to take notes right after class so I remember the frist four clearly. Monday, I had to work 11-7 shift, and scribbled what I remembered on a red faulty part card the size of a business card. Not good, though I'm glad I remembered something. This was at 2 in the morning that I'm trying to figure this out. I forgot #6 completely. It must have been a simple kata because I took extra care to replay the harder ones in my mind. And there is nothing worse than tryign to remember kata at two in the morning under bright flourescent lights while 70s classics are playing. When I woke up at 2pm today I went outside to practiced all the new kata. I did alright...needed my red "cheat card" though. Now that I've worked through them all, I can add them to my growing list of kata to practice, which makes me happy and keeps me busy. Still, I was doing a form and I noticed a squirrel staring at me. It's probably paranoia, but I wondered if maybe he was a reincarnated ancestoral sensei of the sword style saying, "What the hell are you doing to my kata??? Oh my god, you Americans bastardize everything!!!" On a light note, I'm going to see Tim and Carrie from high school tonight. Tim is a blackbelt in judo, so I'm gonna swap throwing techniques with him.

Year in Review

In retrospect, it looks like I haven't gone very far, but then they always say it's just the beginning, and it's a long road. In karate, I've still studying heian ni-dan. The kata's been like a bit of a koan, or meditation study question for me. Still, I can see progress, though I keep wishing I knew that awesome ichi-bo kata I keep seeing. In iai I've learned a lto about what I need to polish, and that the extra pratice I'm putting in is really paying off in the memory department. I'm starting to recognize who practices in my class and who doesn't. I've learned a new kumitachi, katas from two different sword styles, and some really cool chiburis. That's actually a lot in one year. Next May, I'll have been at my school for 2 years.And Aiki's come a long way too. I still have trouble comitting some of the terms to memory, but I've learned to improv better and I'm much smoother in my techniques. I feel happy right now. I can only imagine what another year will be like.

a short note about dedication...

Today I went out in the snow and practiced with my sword. Unfortunately, I locked myself outside the dog fence, so I went around the front of the house to get back inside. Nobody answered. So I resorted to throwing snowballs over the dog fence and at the sliding glass door. No answer. So I had to climb over the dog fence- with my sword- to get into the house. I kept thinking- I don't care what I break, just please don't let me break my sword.

There are no Left-Handed Samurai

Martial arts has many enemies- I dealt with chicken pox and mother nature. I woke up last Saturday feeling under the weather and very itchy. I developed pox. Bah. So I couldn't go to class. I came back Monday, and it was very odd. Nerdverd was up to his usual diarrhea mouth, with too much talking and no substance. The week before he hit the kamiza and nearly broke it. I thought my senseis would be angry, but they were trying to supress laughter. Odds were pretty good- and still good- that out of all of us, he'd be the one to break something. During one of the drills, we had to do one-handed cutting, and the other girl in the class was cutting with the left hand. Nerverd had a fit. I guess he's not quite at that stage of maturity in training where it's best to keep one's mouth shut and leave the teaching to the sensei. God, I hope he hits it soon. Well, it looks like I have to skip class tonight too. There's about eight inches of snow and it's still going.

Pain's part of the game

Well, this week was a lot of learning. I got to learn a new kumitachi in sword class on monday, and this one is by far my favorite one. It's a little more movement than the other two, and is faster. I noticed that the class has gotten better, and my new rank seems to have no real change. The two teens in our class who have been here about 3yrs+ must be getting there soon, I think, to black belt, which would be great for the school since we haven't had a new sword sensei in a while. But they're both young, and have other commitments, otherwise, I think they'd be further ahead. Same with the other teen, who will no doubt have to leave for college next fall anyway. In Aiki on wednesday we dealt with a lot of techniques for breaking out of headlocks and full nelsons. I can tell that they are sprucing us (that is, the other white belt and I) for blue belt. They made us run through the basics at rapidfire speed, both sides: ippon seionage, morote seionage, o-goshi, o-soto gari, o-uchi gari, and tai otoshi. I think I'm doing okay, despite some confusion with the left side of o-uchi. One of the sensei even said my fit-ins were really good. The sensei are throwing us a lot more, which they never used to do, so that's great, despite the fact I'm black and blue. I got flattened, hit in the face (both sides), squished, and got a really puffy-looking finger. One of these days, I'm going to do a photo essay of all my bruises. So now, I am wondering if I should go to the school Xmas party...

A Little Exercise in Being Humble...

I got promoted! Weee!!
Now a san-kyu in iai.

Stop being such a douche-bag, Nerdverd

Ah, what a week. I spent the past week sweating word of my interview, of which I found out today I did not get the job. And, I couldn't go to Aiki, but I more than made up for it this past Saturday when we did a double block of Aiki class. Head sensei's trying to get some new blood into the class, and although it's fun to get new people, they hurt. We got this little kid, his dad, and one of the other kids' dad to join us. Both dads are built like trees. Getting seoinage done to you by them is like getting run over by a Mach truck. I'm still sore from it. I had fun, though I am sore, and I probably knocked over the little kid more times than anybody in his whole karate career. Then, we got to cut. We used some goza that had been soaking in stale water for three months and smelt like poo. It's hard to cut goza and hold your breath. And, to make it worse, the goza had sucked up all the water and were hard as rock. I kept missing my left-to-right horizontal cut. I kept knocking it off the the stand. Bah. So today, I had sword class...fun fun fun. I don't wanna do waza #1 or kumitachi #1 ANY MORE! Three straight months of just that is too much for me. I guess it's the ADD in me. I finally got to work kumitachi #2 with head sensei. I haven't done that in quite a long time. I'd like to know #3, but on the basis of height I keep getting placed with Nerverd, who I am convinced is either a moron or doesn't practice. Probably both.

Zen Art of Beagle Washing

Sometimes I think my beagle was a ninjutsu master. How else can she piss on the carpet, eat a shoe sole, and steal my cheese poof on the run in less than a minute? I hate bathing beagles. Despite the fact that I take good care of her, feed her, and pump her ego, she still loves to roll in shit the second she's clean. I'm giving my beagles warrior names today. From now on, my sweetie fat blind beagle Bucket will be called kawaiiomohana, meaning "cute fat nose", for his amazing ability to smell what I ate five minutes ago and cry like a baby. And Pepper will be called sanirokaze, or "three-colored wind", because that's all you see running around the house when she's freaking hyper. The two have their own specialized martial arts moves when it comes to bath time. Bucket's is sumo- being so fat as to being ummovable. Pepper's is catch-me-jutsu. I don't like combating either. Any beagle owners/martial artists who have found the secrets to conquering these techniques, please drop me a note.
By the way, I missed Aiki class tonight. I am bummed out by the boredom and the fact that nobody cared about me having to miss it. It was like, "hmm, well. Too bad". Grrr.

Oi-vay on the oldshay.

Ow. I hurt. I hate tai otoshi, a painful throw to fall from and do for me, for some reason. It's been a year since I started Aiki, and some days I feel invincible and others I feel like a moron. I enjoy the small class size, which will probably remain so due to humorous attempts to recruit parents of kids. That's an interesting development- there's a crapload of new white belts in karate class, young (of course) and old. I am still the oldest female kyuu rank, but hell, I'll beat up a middle-aged guy over a kid any day. I love the perspective of these parents. They remind me that the stuff we do in class is sometimes in fact insane, and it's not just me. Ah well. Today was a good Aiki class. I got my neck stretched by the head sensei. I guess I'm a fun uke. Because I'm more flexible than the average person, I tend to not feel a lot of the moves that are put on me unless they're done just right. And then,just like today, head sensei does it right and it hurts like hell. I'm now two inches taller.

Kitty Judo

Kittens know budo. At least, they know how to beat the crap out of each other. I was watching a couple of kittens duke it out this afternoon at my grandpa's house, and I had to laugh knowing this is how many martial arts moves were named. It's funny how things change when you become a martial artist. I swear I saw a kitten defend itself with a gedan uke/ bear claw combo.Or maybe I'm just studying my karate terms too much. Kittens know throws too. I saw one knock another on his ass. I should try some of these moves in class sometime. I got an interesting observation from my sensei. He said he loved it when I was "totally clueless about a move, because you only need to show her once and she's got it" Is that a compliment?

Alright, I'll ro-sham-bo you for it

Okay, a while back, I saw a martial arts documentary on the Discovery Channel about martial arts. One of the styles was called "Jukokai Combat Ki"- sounds a bit sketchy, but basically the idea is to channel ki in a way that allows you to sustain any type of hit. Here's a picture in the gallery section, first picture on this site. Here Look at it. Go on. Really look at it. Tell me you don't think "OOOOUUCCHH". All I could think of while I was watching the segment on it was, "Alright, I'll kick you in the nuts as hard as you can, and you kick me in the nuts..." One thing is for sure- if you were to say you are a blackbelt in roshambo-jutsu, nobody would dare test your honesty. At least, not sane people, anyway. Ahhhh....

I got hit in the F%@king face....again!!!

I hate getting hit in the face. I think I'm a magnet for hits. Either I suck as a martial artist, or I'm just really fun to hit. We spar in iai class with these things called goshin-ken, foam sticks that aren't supposed to hurt, and the idea is not to try to hurt someone when sparring anyways. Class wasn't exactly fun to start with anyways. Oh, and by the way Nerdverd, when the sensei tells you to spread out, he doesn't mean "wander around behind sword-swinging people like a douche-bag".
A page from the Baka dictionary:

spread (sprd)v. spread, spread·ing, spreads v. tr.
1)To make wider the gap between; move farther apart: spread her fingers.
2)To distribute widely
Sentence: Spread out , so you don't hit somebody.

douche-bag (dōōsh bāg)n. to be a dumbass and a jerk simultaneously.
Sentence: Stop being such a douche-bag, Nerdverd.

Anyways, I've had a problem recently with people in iai hitting me in the head with the sticks, and, as a result, sensei suggested I wear a helmet. Yay, I've been demoted to junior class in terms of care. I'd hate having be to the only adult who has to wear a helmet, so I didn't. Karma sucks. For the past week or so, I've been complaining to my dad about the illegal head shots, and my dad's been saying "hit 'em back." So I did tonight. Nerdverd hit me in the face and I went after him. I think I stunned the class. It's not that I advocate revenge or anything, but I'm at the end of my nice girl rope. Nothing really happened as a result of it- other than I now have to wear a helmet like the little kids. Whoopie.
On a side note, I want a heartless. I think they're cute. I would trade my beagle for one. They'd be quieter, and far less hungry.

What's it all for?

There's hitting a plateau in your training, and then, there's hitting a brick wall. I once again had trouble sleeping the night before my weekly 3-hour onslaught of martial arts classes, and I made up my mind sometime before I fell asleep for three hours that if I was feeling shitty when I woke up, I wouldn't go. So, I woke up- 3 minutes before my alarm. I felt shitty.
I think it largely stems from a conversation I had with my dad about my frustrations over iai class. The class had nearly doubled over the summer, and now there's hardly enough room to practice. I suspect the presense of Nerverd may also be contributing to my recently negative outlook, but it's not all his fault. I'm frustrated that I've really stopped learning, and that I'm just going through the motions of practicing without actually practicing anything. I had the passing thought that I should skip classes just to break up the rhythm, and to see if anyone actually missed me. So I pulled the covers over my head and slept until one.
I wish I could understand what was wrong with me. I'm far too young to be feeling so damn old, and I always have the fear that I'm wasting my time (not to mention money) on classes. I've only been here a year and I'm in fear of burning out. I wonder if this was how one of our younger sensei felt, the one taking a break. I wonder if he feels any guilt when he misses classes, or maybe he doesn't miss it at all. In that case, I envy him. I hate the fact that finances or my own mental health is eventually going to force me to leave martial arts. But, if I'm not happy with it, why should I care in the first place? What am I doing this for, anyway?

Snark-infested waters

Like sands through the hourglass...these are the tales of our snarking. In case you don't know, "to snark" means to go or to watch things you know you'll hate for the primary purpose of making fun of them. My day was filled with snarking. I was dragged to a bridal shower, and forced to watch the Emmys- thanks Jennifer :( .

So I've been pretty sick recently- I've had a sinus infection that just won't go away. And frankly, when you are dragged to a shower filled with a half a dozen screaming kids while you have a headache AND you have to watch your Mom spike the virgin punch bowl insisting that half a box (yes, I said box) of wine is not really alcohol, it's time for snarking. So Josie puts on her snark alarm and lines up all of the swan dinner-mint-filled party favors in an all-out assault for possession of my Jenny's cake. Mm, cake. We also battled the swans in a fight to the death wrestling match (complete with commentary, of course). That killed about two seconds.

And now for the past three hours I've been snarking the Emmys. I'm sorry, but any awards show that awards itself is a piece of shit. *snark alarm* Ahhhh, fuck! The Black Eyed Peas! they're everywhere!!! And those Desperate Housewife whores can kiss my ass. Oh yeah, and let's give "Everybody love Raymond" yet another award. All this award show makes me wanna do is stick a fork in my eye and never watch TV again. But there's good stuff- Jon Steward won an Emmy and delivered a heavily (and creatively) censored monolongue, and the Shat (William Shatner" sang. Yes, he sang.

God, help me.

There is this kid, who- for purposes of avoiding getting sued- I will leave nameless. He joined our class not too long ago, with a gi he had previously bought for who knows what reason (probably cosplay). He also has this black bokken, which looks like it was terribly soaked in cheap paint, that he thinks is cool. These two things bothered me the moment I met him. Now, what kid already has a hakama and gi set that they spend $90+ dollars on, and it's not even the right color? We wear black, he wears blue. And his bokken is the tackiest piece of shit I have ever seen. It's just not right...a black bokken. I thought that in enough was strange. Then, he found out I went to Japan, and his eyes turned into dinnerplates.
By the way, I have to explain to you what this guy reminds me of. He reminds me of an "urkel meets DND Dungeonmaster" that's spent the better part of his teenage years yanking off to Asuka from Eva. This guy reads TOO MUCH INTERNET. One of his first comments to our head sensei was, "That's not how I learned it online," to which we all groaned. Let me say this, first and foremost, to anyone out there looking to begin in martial arts- start in a dojo, not at your computer desk. Incidentally, this kid's got a lot of useless garble stuck in his head from books he only read parts of to do-it-yourself money-back-guarantee fly-by-night online "schools". Anyone seen Napolean Dynamite with the Rex Kwon Do scene? yuh.... This guy does not know the difference between kendo and iai-jutsu (the style we study), and thinks they're the same or should be the same. He told us once he saw some kendo in an anime and thought it was cool because kendo has a lot of hot babes in it. Hmm...number of girls in our iai class? (tally....1! Me!) AAHHHH!!! I'm trying to be as dissinterested as possible without coming off as a bitch, but christ, this kid wouldn't know subtlety if it knocked him over the head with a oar (which, by the way, he has tried to bring to class to use because Musashi used it).
I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a few weeks, until he made two comments that bugged the shit out of me. One dealt with his "expert knowledge" which he no doubtedly picked up from the net. He was talking with this one kid, a young teen, about his expertise in drinking. Now, picture this, and tell me if this kid has much of a social life:

• He has a sizable lisp.
• He has big, thick coke-bottle glasses.
• He openly talks about DND
• He thinks he's the next Musashi

So, the first thing that flys out of his mouth is, "I've been to lots of parties" <> Did I also mention we suspect this kid is a chronic liar? So, anyway, to finish his thought, "I've eben to lots of parties, and I know that sake rated based on how sweet the grapes are."Now, I guess that comment would be alright to the young teen, but even he knew probably that 1) sake is rated by how dry it is and 2) sake is made from rice. *sigh* Thing number two was his reasoning for his interest in my being in Japan. He asked me if I had any friends who lived near some temple I don't remember the name of. I said, "I dunno, why?" and he replied, "Because I'm looking for a place to stay in Japan until they accept me for monk training." <>

I"m gonna start a character in my comix section based on him called "Nerdverd Von Stone"- my brother began this character as a bratty, dorky villian. I think it's come time we revive him. I'm also gona start a list called "Nerdverd-isms". Every time he says something stupid, I'm gonna write it down here. In closing, here's some now.

Nerdverd-isms

• "I'm totally samurai"
• "Ow, he hurt me"
• "Oops, hit the wall."
• ''I'm in training to be a monk."
• "I've heard of chanabarrah (chambara). Is that where they beat you with stuff?"
• "By the way, how long does it take to stop your head from bleeding?"
• "I can't see...I'm just gonna wail 'til I hit something."
• "Oops, hit the wall again."
• "Sorry sensei, I won't do it again. What'd I do?"
• "I played Kendo before in my back yard."
• "How much is a sword, 50? A hundred?"
• "Oops, hit the ceiling."

...and that's just this past summer.