Semantically Speaking, we have a problem

I have problem. I have a problem with a Japanese-based system that does not make the effort use correct Japanese. Not that I think you have to be fluent to learn such a system, but if choose to put one together, then it's kinda nice to be. Don't you think?

We have forever snarked about Head Honcho sensei's spelling errors, as well as his inability to translate things correctly. Yet nobody attempts to change anything. Compounding the problem is the fact none of Head Honcho sensei's original student spoke Japanese at all, which meant for the five top students who opened their own school, there were five different pronunciations for everything. So, some 35+ years later, imagine how someone trained in Japanese language would respond to such linguistic debauchery. I always knew that Head Honcho sensei had problems in the translation department, but nothing could have prepared me for what I discovered this afternoon.

As I was researching kata for my written portion of my ni-dan test, came across Rohai-Dai, which in our book is translated to "crane on a rock". Of course, I knew this was wrong- a crane in Japanese is Tsuru. But herein lies a compounded fallacy, of which I will demonstrate in two parts- one, the difference in semantics for words pertaining to "bird", and two, the kata rohai versus the kata gankaku.

First off, the bird thing. If we were reference a non-particular bird on a rock as our kata name, we would use the word "tori"(鳥). However, just like in English, we may want to be specific about these things. A kata based on a dodo bird or a penguin, as humorous as it sounds, is not exactly what we want to be doing. No, we want to do a kata based on a graceful bird- a crane. We know that crane stance is "tsurashi dachi" (actually "crane foot stance") so it should stand to reason that, just from that piece of info, the word "rohai" is either a different word for the same bird (which I totally do not put past the Japanese) or it is a different bird entirely. Poking around this afternoon, I find that indeed it is a different bird. It's a heron. No, they aren't the same thing. I just looked it up to make sure :) So, Rohai- Dai as it is written in Japanese is 鷺大　(さぎーだい). And here is where things get really F'ed up. Other schools' translation for this kata is "vision of a heron/crane, major". Where is "vision"? No clue. If you Google Rohai-Dai, you will come up with such a kata...but it's not the one we call "crane on a rock". Not at all. We do a mis-mash that one and one more of which Rohai is the bastard son- Gankaku. What does "Gankaku" mean, by the way? Crane on a rock. GRRR!!!!

Now it is entirely possible that the kata's name morphed into the more popular Rohai- Dai name, just as Gankaku morphed from the name Chinto to sound less Chinese (something Funakoshi had done a lot when setting up modern karate as most of us know it today). I now for a fact that Sword Sensei did hardcore Goju before taking up our style, and Head Sensei in turn got a bit of training in Shotokan. So, knowing how kata is taught at my school, this what I theorize happened- Head Sensei starts Rohai-Dai with John Q. Student, and has to leave him to keep Sally Student from tearing down the walls. Sword Sensei comes along and says, "No, no! That's not it!" and finishes the kata with instruction on Gankaku. In fact, I can pinpoint the exact spot in this kata where Rohai-Dai turns into Gankaku. Add in review instruction from likes of someone like Happy Sensei who never reviews his katas and boom! A brand-new bastardized Rohai-Dai. In fact, lemme give it a proper name- "Shinseiji no Musuko no Kata de Tsurashi dachi" or "A Bastard son's kata with Crane Stances". I'm sure there's a grammar error in there somewhere, but, Hell? Nobody apparently cares about these things. So, anyway, John Q. Student teaches Sally Student and she teaches her little brother Lil' Bastard Student and so on.

It's not that I don't think Head Honcho Sensei didn't know. I don't think he cares. I think it would be too much effort at this point to change after forty years, or however long this particular kata has been in the system. Why to I assume this. Because for the past year or so I have been trying to help students learn to pronounce their vocabulary correctly, as well as learn a couple of key words so they don't have to memorize the whole damn book. I literally gave each kid a reference packet to help them study. Did any of them read it? No. Those lil' bastards do not care about what their kata means or where it came from! They just want their requirements for rank, and that's it.

On the bright side of this whole thing which has me down, I have learned that studying the kaji does give me some clue as to the kata itself. Not really the particular strokes in the kanji, but the readins themselves, lend me to interpret the kata different. For example, Gankaku is a crane, right? I see this kata to be taller and longer than Rohai Dai is, and hey- a Crane is taller than a Heron. Hmm...

A stupid spell out

Being punctual, humble, and patient.
Leaving nothing up to chance.
Asking for help when you need it.
Compassion for your fellow practitioners.
Keeping your focus.

Better yourself
Encouraging others to keep going.
Learning with your eyes and ears, not your mouth.
Taking nothing you've experienced for granted.
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and my own snarky version,

Brats who think they are good.
Under-evaluating older kids capable of harder things.
Respect? Where?
Nagging parents wanting their kids ranked.
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Obligatory three month ranking- even if people don't deserve it.
Utter disregard for someone else's needs.
Terrible aiki rolls from black belt students who should know better.

I'm bored....

Things have been quite complicated at the dojo. For starters, it seems like every class except iai is exploding with people. I just prefer to keep class small, but alas we are a business. It just annoys me. And then, there is the ranking thing.

I should feel more excited about getting ni-dan, but I don't. I wonder why. I guess it's because there isn't that much difference between dan ranks until you achieve a renshi title or something like that. And the "junior" ni-dan is just a joke. It's literally an extra 2 katas. I always thought it should be more about maturity than memorization. Wheezy Kid forgot ALL of his katas, and is trying to cram before his test. Likewise, Bailout is trying to cram 2+ years of maturity into one month before her ni-dan test. After much thought, although there are no real parameters for junior dan ranks, I can offer my own testing questions in determining whether or not a child is ready for black belt:

1. Can the child tie his own belt? (estimated age: 7 or 8) Foobar fails this one.
2. Have the child's balls dropped yet? (estimated age 11 or 12) Note: you can tell if they have by the pitch of the child's voice. If it sounds like the kid's been sucking helium, or if his voice operates on such a pitch that it alerts every dog in the neighborhood, the answer is no. Foobar and Wheezy Kid fail this one.
3. In the case of a female student, has she begun to wear makeup in such a way that she is NOT mistaken for either a whore or a raccoon (I dunno why a girl would bother wearing makeup to class at all, but that's besides the point)? Snotball fails this one.
4. When the kid does push-ups for warm-ups, do his/her arms actually bend so as to warrant a pushing up of the body at all? Too many people at class fail this one.
5. If the child is going for any dan rank above sho-dan, is he old enough to drive? If not quite yet, can he/she sit in the driver's seat of a car and actually see above the steering wheel? Thing 2 and Wheezy Kid fail this one.
6. Is the child able to put toilet paper, paper towels in the bathroom when they use the last sheet without being reminded to? Everyone fails this one.

I think these are basic, basic rules of responsibility and maturity. There's a lot more, but these are the concerns that pertain to our school. Also note, many adults don't have any sense of responsibility either. If I could have a school, I'd make every older kid have a part-time job so they, not their parents, pay for their weapons. Maybe then they would actually take care of them.

Feeling rather Roo lately...

This week has been quite interesting. I haven't slept very well, and Batta and I thought a vacation was in order, which it was. We went to NYC and I got some gifts in preparation for my aiki test, whenever that is. Today's class should be interesting.

Last week I gave the little ones a study guide to help them with their Japanese. It has occurred to me that the less time spent dicking around on easy stuff in class, the more time could be spent on Me...or Batta...or something useful. I've been spending a lot of time teaching, a very irksome thing when all the other black belts get to fart around all class working stuff they should be studying at home. What"s the use of barking at the kyu ranks to study when the black belts don't?

Head Sensei gave Bailout and I a written test for ni-dan, which for me is a joke because it's all "what's the history of our style?", which I know already. I know my katas' history, who created it, what the name means, how to write it in Japanese (and in some cases, Chinese) and Bailout knows...nothing. Because it hasn't occurred to her that she might wanna know these things being a teacher.

Testing this summer may prove to be a complicated affair. The things are testing for adult shodan and Wheezy Kid for junior ni-dan. I hope to God Head Honcho sensei doesn't do them all the same weekend. That would SUCK!

Can't Sleep, Juniors will Kill Me...

I have insomnia...again. I must get to class tomorrow morning! I cannot skip. Something of interest might actually happen!

I went with Batta to class on Tuesday, and as Head Sensei was late opening the door, we congregated outside. Stupid Foobar still has his mommy tie his belt before class. I can't remember how many times we told kids "DON'T wear your belts until you are in the dojo!", but do they listen? No. But anyway, Semi's friend (his whole family is in karate now- I am starting to think it's a cult) and Big T were talking about how they wished there was another aiki class, to which both Batta and I threw in our stipulation- one without kids.

The Tuesday crew is quite nice without Bailout there, which was one of the reasons that I avoided that class to begin with. It's mostly a family day- people who only come on Saturdays as well. Nice kids, no ego problems- except for a certain Italian kid I will Pesto, because if he's not careful, that's exactly what will be left of him. He's such a brat. I worked on my bo kata which I started before my love affair with Oar, and now I am forced to cheat on Oar for Bo if I ever wanna see my next rank. Truth be told, I could hardly care less.

Head Sensei is gearing up for a massive grading, both kyus and dans, and I can't say all of them are deserved. Wheezy kid is still an idiot who looks up his nose in the mirror every chance he gets, and Bailout due to leaving in a couple months has no use for ni-dan rank, especially since she didn't earn the last one. And then there's Thing 1 and 2. Thing 1 is almost 16 and therefore old enough to jump to adult rank. But Thing 2? He's still a half foot shorter, and 18 months younger. Would it kill him to wait? And don't even get me started on Foobar. That kid....ergh.

On Wednesday I scolded the kids out for being lazy bitches. Drinks, bathroom breaks in the span of an hour class (45 minutes, not counting warmups), dogging it when going be into line- my God, this isn't cheer leading! And just for the record, cheerleaders probably do better pushups. I showed them how they need to be throwing punches. I threw one stopping just short of Wheezy kid's face. Brown trousers on that kid.

If a child is to wear a black belt, and if Head Sensei is going to keep insisting to parents that there is not much difference between adult and child, then they need to get their asses in gear if they ever want any respect at all. Just my little rant for the day :)

Roo roo! It's the tournament! Part 2

Well, sorry for the wait. Much has gone on and it's been hard to sit down. Now that I am suffering from insomnia, here I am to finish.

I spent a lot of time on the bleachers this year as I was a black belt. I think this was more of an experience for Batta and Spam. Although I was busy judging for most of their competition, I did manage to see some of it. Batta did not drop his tonfa (woohoo!) and even got a compliment on his, er, my kata. Batta and Spam met a kid who thought he was Jesus, so from now on he will be referred to as such. Jesus apparently is well-versed in competition, having been around the world, so good at sparring, yadda yadda *yawn*. It is important to note Jesus didn't do much of anything.

There is always interesting people at the tourney. One of them was Naginata Girl, who this year brought nunchaku instead and placed fourth out of fifth. Must be getting into that 15-17 year old age group where people actually start having talent that got her- not her shity weapons skills, or anything. The two brownies I met last year were back in the same category- it must take a hell of a lot to get promoted to black belt at their school. They swept their rank. They also were thrown in with Batta at weapons, to which I was like "c'mon." But, that's what happens at a small tourney.

So it was extremely hot by the time black belt stuff started. I noticed that there was 2 women doing empty hand kata- one of them Bailout. I jumped in because...hey, it's a guaranteed medal. As I told Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator, I would be happy with a 5th place gumball. I truthfully did not know what kata I was doing to do as I even got up there before the judges. I selected Empi at the last second- the highest level kata I knew that I could do without royally fucking it up. No surprise, I got third, but the funny thing about it? I only scored a tenth behind Bailout, who sucked up Head Sensei's valuable time for weeks doing a kata that was too hard for her, and I pulled my kata completely out of my ass. Seriously, if I had actually worked that kata? The other girl won with a kata she'd obviously done before in competition.

Head Sensei and I talked about people like that- who do one kata for competition always. This is one instance I disagree with him. While I don't think it allows you to grow at all as a martial artist, for the purpose of competition when you rarely compete in the first place I don't think it'll kill ANYBODY to repeat a kata you did last year. I did, and I did well. For the little brats, I don't think they need new katas every year. They just cram and then forget it as soon as the competition's done. Yuck.

Enough rank. The next thing up was weapons. Bailout did what she is known best for and bailed out of the division. She claimed "trauma from last year", but I claim "I didn't practice it until right before the tournament." So it was me, same other girl who won, and the Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator. The same girl did a sai kata that was a mess, but still good. I did my eku kata. I saw out of the corner of my eye several black belts looking in wonder and horror- this is, by the way, the new kata needed for third Dan. But I digress. A lot of people (including a couple judges) were like "what the hell is that?". One of our blackbelts from another school looked at my oar and told me it was too light, which he is right. I would like an oar from Shureido...and maybe I'll get one eventually, when I can sell a kidney. I did alright- I finished it, which is a compliment in itself. And then B.M./D did tonfa and kicked both our asses. Thene there was a hold up with the scores, and we were all thinking the same thing "Please God, it's too hot for a tie breaking round! We'll share a gumball or something, just please don't make us do it again!" I got a silver, which I will gladly have.

After that, everyone was pretty strung out. We went out to eat and a sketchy diner and then many the journey home. A very slow journey home. In a hot car. With a whiny sister. And Oar.