To teach...to bum...to walk your beagle

This week will be very stressful. Although the worst is over academically, the worst is beginning for martial arts. The new aiki sheets (edition 5) is finished, and we are all plugging away at the new techniques. It's all become daito-ryu now. We must learn all the ikkajo techniques omote style for our next rank, then ura for the rank after that. On top of that, Head Honcho sensei wants our reishiki to be perfect. Every move is like a little kata now. I like the hanza handachi techniques, but the izori, I could live without. The only thing about moves like hanmi-nage is the serious rugburn on your knees, and the havoc on your hakama. Then, there is karate...*sigh*. The tournament is this Saturday, and I feel ill-prepared to win any placements. I am hoping there aren't a lot of people in the 18+ green-purple kata and weapons division. Statistics will be on my side if I am right, and then I can feel better. If there are few in kumite as well, I will sneak in there and steal a bronze like I did last year (hey, experience, you know?).

I am trying to get some sort attention from head sensei, but there are so many kids giving him crap. Not only that, more than half of them aren't going to the tournament (the only one we go on) and we have yet another influx of new students to deal with. And for some reason, when there is an odd number, I am the one who gets to teach them. Not that I mind, I guess, I like teaching- but what are the brown and blackbelts doing that aren't going to the tournament? Nothing. They get to wander around and cause more trouble. I don't think that's fair.

Last class, we ran over in aiki so I missed half of karate, then I was assigned for the other half to teach two student two different katas. I got to review my katas for 5 seconds before being called over at the end of class to perform them for head sensei. He gave me some thoughtful constructive criticism that left me with more questions than answers. What if I hadn't chosen to do the tournament? Would he not say anything about those katas and let me continue to do parts of them wrong?

I am looking toward the future of my martial arts this spring and summer. The little senseis are testing for junior ni-dan *roll eyes* and sho-dan in sword, even though the smaller one has yet to move to an adult-size sword. My doppleganger is testing for junior sho-dan, and will most likely follow the pattern of never being seen again. After that, it is anyone's game. The rest of the brownies don't even have their first stripe yet, and are far from it. Verizon Guy might actually catch them. I offered my help for reviewing katas. Even though I know all my stuff for my stripe, I am pessimistic that I will get it any time soon. I am looking at possible ni-dan, as my waiting period is up at the end of September, but with chiro. college looming around the corner, it's dubious. I have my eyes on a tournament in July where I can perform sword as part of the traditional weapons division. The entry is steep, so I'll have to save up, but I really wanna go. I'll have to ask head sensei.

Bork! Kids suck.

I am getting extremely stressed out with school and martial arts. Right now, I am on spring break, which has been dominated by catching up on papers and training for the tournament. My hip is still a little sore, but I have been pushing it to get back into the swing of things. This frustration of not even being sure that I'm ready for the tournament is combined by the fact that the kids in the karate class are worse then ever. And the thing is, it's the same kids over and over causing the same problems, except now, they are at a higher rank.

The greenies are moved up to purple people eaters and now have a giant ego problem, and the brownies have all become stagnant and lazy. The former purple belt girl is now getting prepped for her first stripe, but (as expected) could hardly care less. Sometimes I think her parents hold a shotgun to her back and make her get out of the car when it's time to go to class. Wheezy kid is still staring up his nose in the mirrors when he should be doing something else. I'd like to know what he's looking for some days. And his partner (I'll call him Owl) could actually be good if he would stop getting yelled at. There's three more brownies- my doppleganger and two boys who I have a feeling are three-sport stars, but they don't factor in much (which is a problem in itself that I'll mention later). Then there's the black belts- the perfect children and the newest one, Prince Valiant (who apparently thinks he's been coronated king now) who just do their own thing in complete unawareness that greenies are climbing the walls every class. The greenies have thinned out a bit as a collective of crazies, but are still annoying as hell. They can't even stand in a straight line without trying to kill each other.

But now, I think after witnessing this week, I have finally figured it out. THERE IS NO LEADERSHIP. The black belts and brownies have all forgotten that "sensei" does not mean black belt, it means "teacher". It's a novel thing, unfortunately. They have become so obsessed over what katas and techniques they need for their next rank that they have completely ignored everyone behind them. A student is a mirror reflection of his teacher, as Zen would say. When the teachers fight, they fight. When the teachers are lazy and don't heed to etiquette, neither do they. So there shouldn't be such a big surprise as to why the greenies and purple people eater are so bad- they were taught to be that way from watching their teachers!

And it started out with just the little things, like putting the mats in the right place at the beginning of class and offering belt-tying help to white belts. Neglecting these things has led to mats NEVER being put out in time for class and orange belts not tying their belts correctly. That used to be unacceptable. Now there are so many kids that the one or two adults cannot handle them all, and the time used to be spend on helping people with techniques is now gone into babysitting kids who should know better. The competition between kids for the next rank is so fierce, they bump and push each other in line to line up by who's been ranked first even when they are the same rank! You never see same-ranked kids working together, and they are oblivious to when others are doing behavior that warrants 100 pushups for everybody.

It's time we get the "me" out of karate and develop some sense of hierarchal responsibility. Head sensei shouldn't have to worry about class behaving when he isn't looking, it should just happen. And it'll happen when the black belts and the brownies help out a little more in class.

Looking backward while stuck in first gear

It is cherry blossom season again, and as I always do on this time of year, I post a picture of cherry blossoms with my blog. It's a special thing for me- sight and scent are tied with strong memories of Japan (although I was never there when it bloomed), and how I miss the people I've met there. I keep a cherry blossom scent perfume around even though I am allergic to it.

The site of cherry blossoms at my Dad's workplace (and now on my mom's new tree in the backyard) also means it is once again time for the tournament. I have probably got to take it easy this year with my hip still healing- finally I am done with the chiropractor- and limit myself to the empty hands kata and the weapons kata. As I get up in rank, the number of competitors dwindles down but they get much tougher. As much as I want to do more, my hip won't allow me to prepare properly.

Alas, onto other matters. They changed the aiki book AGAIN! Head honcho sensei got so much grief from the other blackbelts about the new book that he went back to the old system- meaning, that now I will be going for brown patch instead of red. The karate class is beginning to finally level off, with the exodus of some greenies and white belts. One of Tank's kids quit, and so did a rather annoying greenie. Even so, a family of 3 (could be four, not sure yet if he is related) has signed up. The oldest is also trying aiki (let's see how long this lasts). I was in charge of them yesterday, and we went over things like the chamber, basic blocks, punches, and kicks. The two boys were trying to see if they could kick the Wavemasters over. I invited them to try (just as long as they had enough sense to curl their toes back so they didn't crush them). The oldest was trying to not miss the wavemaster entirely, and just my luck the little girl missed the baby-sized Wavemaster and kicked the plastic base instead. So I ran around for 5 minutes looking for the ice packs. The irony in this situation is I taught these guys how to be polite, bow, and listen to "matte" command and when I went to cross the floor with the injured little girl, head sensei told his two sparring people to stop repeatedly and they KEPT GOING ANYWAY! So much for etiquette and awareness.

This problem is nothing new. Finally, the teachers have had enough, and are refusing to give attention to anyone who disobeys. The "advanced class" that goes on during aiki has dwindled to 4 people. Rankings have slowed down to a halt. And some, as I have said, have left. Problem is, how do you fix a problem kid when he's already a blackbelt? *Grumble*....

I miss class

I missed three classes with my injury. It felt like a year had gone by. In the time I was gone, one greenie got his stripe and head sensei had been asked to do a demo at a school, something that we haven't done in years. So he and Verizon guy left as I came in, we chatted a bit, and that was that. I spent the class working 10 bo wazas with Tank, who had just gotten his stripe on his green belt too. Like everything in the adult ranks, he learned it in about a minute because head sensei forgot to teach him. So, we spent time going over the first 4 wazas. It was PAINFUL! I discovered I couldn't do any stance comfortably, but it felt good to move around. The Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator shared her discomfort with her new judo top, which is not female-shape friendly in any way. I remember when Verizon guy got his, thinking the stitching made it look like a bounty paper towel. Now I have it and, although it is sturdy, it drives me nuts. She and aiki sensei were also talking about how bad the kids have gotten over the past year. Thank god it's not just me!

So I have a hip sprain. I can't do aiki or kicks for at least 3 weeks. Although it's not so bad, it sucks. I'll see what I can do for sword when I go on Sunday.

Hurt pride, hurt pocketbook, hurt hip

I have had a rough couple of weeks. I am completely out of money, which means I no longer can go to classes until I land a job. Not that I could, anyway- I hurt my hip. I was doing nijushiho and I turned really hard out of a stance while leaving my feet planted, and I hear a pop. My hip went out of joint. I tried to limp through sword class afterward but to no avail. Now, I am biding my time until I can get into the chiropractor. This absence and lack of cash has left me depressed. I hardly have ambition to keep going now. Luckily, I have midterms this week- studying keeps me busy.

This weekend, Prince Valiant is testing for blackbelt. I find it funny that he is apparently so confident that he's only shown up to every other class for the past month. I'm sure he'll pass- if brown belt boy passed his test taking 30 minutes on his oral vocab section and hurting three ukes (one so bad, he was crying), then I'm sure he'll pass too. He's another I don't see continuing much longer after blackbelt.

I miss a lot of people. I haven't seen the T's or Peanut for almost two months. They probably all quit- got busy, lost interest, you name it. I miss Applebee's kid, the guy who looks like Matt Hardy (yes, I used a wrestling reference-so sue me. He was a dead ringer), and (I dare say) Nerdverd. None of these people I know well, but I miss them. If this time away teaches me anything, I guess it's that I need a life outside all of this.

I'm thinking about writing a letter to these people and to my teachers. I know I could never repay them (especially monetarily) for what they've given me. If I didn't get into martial arts, I'd probably be more depressed than I am now. What was that saying my Japanese teacher told me? "Even if the world should end tomorrow, I plant apple trees today."

The Traditional Value of "Me First"

Little kids need to be spanked. I think that would sound inspiring if written in Japanese on a scroll for Japanophile dorks to hang up. It's certainly not a Zen quote, but it illustrates my point. It's that wonderful time of year where many kids get promoted and a) get distracted by the 100 other events in their social calendar b) rub their new belt into our faces, even if we don't care. One former greenie, now a purple people eater, can't go 5 minutes without mentioning one needs this for purple belt, or telling the others below him (one of them his older brother) you're not as good as me. I resist the urge to give him an advanced rank initiation bitch slap and hope he sticks his own size 5 foot into his mouth. We already have done 200 penalty push-ups, but what good are those if kids cheat push-up anyway? But I digress. I want to talk about the "me first" group of kids for a moment.

It used to be a long time ago there were no colored belts. There were no ranks (at least, not ones conferred on by the military or by birthright). It used to be that you would meet your enemy on the battlefield, not knowing if that person was a natural killer or bumbling farmer, and you'd take your chances. You wouldn't dare make assumptions on the person's worth (you'd have no time to, anyway), and if you did you were dead. Safer to assume you could be killed by this person, so you do your best to live. Say what you will about the traditions of battle having no place in today's world, but here's one I think we should keep- mutual respect.

Fast forward to now. If you're an orange belt, you're a doo-doo head. If you're only a purple belt, you are eh, maybe okay. If you're a black belt, hey, you know everything. Sound ridiculous, doesn't it? Let's set blackbelts aside a moment. To even comment that rank determines how you should talk to a person is arrogance at best, at worst a direct result of how this generation of karate students have become a "me first" and "other people's feelings whenever" generation. I blame, not TV, video games, or even celebrities (although all three do a good job of throwing water on the grease fire), but parents, who only associate a kid's worth in karate by how fast he/she gets blackbelt. "What's an orange belt?" they say, "I can't brag to my friends about that." And it becomes all about them and "when is my kid getting the next belt up. Hurry, hurry, so he/she makes it to blackbelt before he/she gets bored!". And, naturally, kids pick up on this behavior.

So what we end up with is a purple people eater telling his still-greenie older brother that "I know that, duh! I'm a purple belt now!" Disgusting, isn't it?

So tired...bork.

I am very tired. I had bronchitis, so I missed a week of classes. I went back last Wednesday, and I could barely make it through aiki. Today, I was pooped at aiki, exhausted and confused in karate, and half asleep in iai. I explained that I was pretty much over it, but I couldn't shake the fatigue. My sword sensei told me to keep pushing fluids and eat. Mmm. Cookies for medicine.

I'm currently working on nijushiho (24 steps, or duplication of 4 cardinal points, depending on who you ask). I learned all the steps on Wednesday, and today had three people helping me on it. Kata is something you should stick with one person on. Listening to three people give their interpretations gave me a headache, and finally I had enough for one day. Hopefully, when I get better, I'll be able to concentrate.

Purple People Eating, and Being all Smart...and Stuff

It's the year of the boar, and I am a boar baby. Ironically, this pig looks an awful lot like my mom's beagle. It is supposed to be a year of prosperity, and so far, it lives up to that. I got my purple belt- yay! Woot! *happy Josie dance* I feel okay about it- I really didn't get tested, which was kind of a let-down, but at least I outrank the greenies now, and I can hold so kind of leverage on them until they all turn into purple people eaters.

I like it when I feel useful and smart. I had that opportunity at the blackbelt meeting up at the hombu. Pretty much all the blackbelts were there. It was cold, the floor was wet, and everyone had that "I didn't drink enough coffee" look on their faces. I got to stand up and suggest that a pronunciation guide be put in our manuals, so students could better study vocabulary. Everyone thought it was a good idea. I feel so smart *beem*. And, I am happy to report I did not lock myself in the women's changing room. After the meeting the three senseis I rode up with and I stopped at Wegman's and ate sushi. Mmm. Sushi.

This week I have been meaning to get out my sword, but the weather has just been too bad. Plus, I have had a lot of homework I keep putting off. But I did do something constructive today. I introduced a sensei's small child to sword class. She liked it. She was actually pretty good for a seven year old. Luckily, this sensei has enough mind to make her wait a year or two, when she actually has arms instead of stubs. It was quite cute though.

2 1/2 years and 50 Posts later- what have I learned?

To start, I have learned I need to make more sensible resolutions, like finding a job so I can continue to pay for class, and working on what has become a muscular-puffy midsection. My body seems to keep reminding me I'm not ten. I know not to cheat on penalty push-ups, but gravity says otherwise. Monday we did 50 in succession. When I was a bitty gymnast, I could easily do that, but then again, I was 10 and weighed 60 pounds. Ah, the good ol' days.

I have learned that there are some things I cannot change- bratty children, the amount of bratty children, time and space restraints- all of which can affect my ability to be ranked at any one time without actually concerning my ability at all.

I have learned that no matter how I keep my interest in Japanese culture lowered, some freak always emerges and reminds me why it's become so uncool. And not children- adults- sink their money into what they perceive is a culture with all the answers only to end up with a whole lot of garbled information, trickets they don't understand, and an unattainable dream of becoming Japanese.

I have also learned that, no matter what, I will lose something important I need for class. It happens whether I check my bag before leaving or not.

I think we've all learned collectively that the ability to catalyze change is next to impossible. Like correcting kids on their Japanese pronunciation. There is a kata called Honto no Inochi... which kids constant say "han-toe no nocky"- I dunno where they got that from- it's not even close, but heaven help you if you try to point out it's wrong. And the bowing to sensei as they come in and leave? They still don't have that one.

I've also learned there is a double-standard for kids who have sane parents, and kids who have psycho parents. The latter are always the first in their rank to get promoted, whether they deserve to or not. And then, when they sit at a rank for a while because they could care less about coming in the first place, their parents will start asking questions like "Is he going to get promoted soon?" blah, blah, blah. These are the same parents who make their kids stay after class to get help even though they don't need to, and it cuts into aiki class. And of course, kids learn this behavior and think it's acceptable. Dumb parents.

Lastly, I have learned a dog does in fact have buddha-nature. My dog has never entered a martial arts buildign and yet, when driven by the promise of food, can do a perfect armbar.

New Year's Re-delusions

Okay, so all things considered, it's gonna be a hard year (that's if all goes to plan). I desperately need a job. Not too much going on...I'm going to the head dojo for a meeting. That should be interesting. Goth kid started aiki this week. He has a bad habit of leaning forward. I can see it now- a black pancake on the mat. Haven't see Pot Smoking Guy or Nerdverd recently, or Cig Man, or the T's for that matter. This must be the famous January attendance slump. Unfortunately, there are so many little karate kids, it's hard to notice. Still, far too many greenies.

New Year's Resolutions

• I will try to be nicer to the greenies *grumble*.
• I will work on my sparring more.
• I will try not to let it bother me when a kid gets snotty (even if he does outrank me), or when Nerdverd asks for help on something he should already know, or when somebody destroys a Japanese word's pronunciation.
• I will try to maintain a reasonable body- that is, I will not allow my waist to turn into a marshmallow....mmm, marshmallows.
• I will look more rested (even if I'm not) for class.
• I will try to make a new friend.

Well, that's about it.

You do know you have a brain, don't you?

Not much has really happened as far as martial arts is concerned. I've been thinking about getting a job, and school starting back up. Verizon Guy earned his stripe, and that I am happy. We are in desperate need of an adult brownie to keep those little tikes in line. I'm also working on designing a hanko for certificate signing. I figure I'll need it when we have the black belt (*cough* Dan) meeting at the Hombu at the end of the month. It's looking nice, though it's proving to be a lot harder than I thought. Here it is:

I've been wondering about maybe getting purple belt before the month is up, but now it doesn't look likely- there is sooo many kids. Head sensei has a pattern for ranking- first he ranks the kids from brown belt down, then the adults. Then, he'll either pause for waza work or spend time preparing the next in line for black belt. It appears he's in a pause period- the question is what kind? Prince Valiant doesn't like showing up for class more than once a week, and spring sports are starting up.

On another subject entirely, kids are a lot dumber than they used to be. I'd like to think that I think so because I'm an adult now? No! Kids are just freaking stupid. I was asked the other day if swords could cut bricks. And I said, "Probably not, but when the sword bounces back, it'll definitely cut your face." The kid thought about it for a moment, unable to get the subtlety of my sarcasm, and turned to another kid, who upped the ante with "Yeah, I saw that on Youtube so it must be true." Sometimes, I feel like I have failed as a teacher.

I like teaching kids, though. They are fun, attentive for the most part, and learn quickly. Then they become pre-teens and ask "Why?" or say, "but Sensei X does it this way." And then, they become teens, and some time before that stage, all their intelligence is sucked away by TV, video games, and dumb films. I think kids have just lost the ability to stop and think before they open their mouths.

Bork! The Year in Review

Since this will probably be my last entry until the new year, I thought I'd reflect on what I learned this year.

Aiki- We struggled (all of us, head sensei included) with the new aiki book bestowed upon us by head honcho sensei after his impromtu change of direction back to "the old ways". This means, basically, that our aiki is more like a traditional daito-ryu aiki class. He also came up with the idea of having us wear hakamas, and our first week rolling around in them could have been set to Benny Hill music. I taught Verizon Guy, Big and Little T, and two other senseis how to tie their hakama- some more successful than others. I earned my "yellow chevron patch" and am now working on "red chevron patch". I also learned how to sew patches. I have the needle marks to prove it.

Karate- Despite a turbulent year, I actually got a lot accomplished. I finally caught up to green belt in May and earned my stripe in October. I stand to earn my purple belt very soon *fingers crossed* I went and competed in the tourney and got a 4th in kata, 3rd in kumite. I learned rohai dai, ichi-bo, and saifa. (Today, head sensei looked at my bo kata and said I moved like a sword student. Big surprise. It was nice though- I got some badly needed advice for saifa, and a couple pointers to clean up the bo kata.) I also got my very own bo, and it is so much fun to drag both a bo and a sword case into class, and some blue sparring gear, to which I have broken in on the likes of aiki sensei, and Tank.

Iai- Iai has been nuts. I went to my first iai clinic outside of our little school, and meant other kids, who are also studying at other schools. Most of them are brown belts in karate, or are san-dans needing iai for their next rank- nothing like belt color paranoia. I did my first kata with tameshigiri. I jumped up to sho-dan this year at the end of September. And, I taught five new people. Crazy. Mostly, I have learned to be pay attention to subtleties in kata, how to be patient with dumbasses, and how to teach. I even ran a class once :) I enjoy teaching, much to my surprise. I am starting to study katori shinto ryu now- I know the first three and the last two kata (only 6 more to go), and I have learned kumitachi 4 and 5, and kata 7, 8, and 9. Good stuff. I am a kata junkie.

And now...for the awards (the winners get a big glob of cookie dough on their heads via my imagination).

1. Most Annoying, a title once held by Nerdverd, he had finally been dethroned...by an entire group of kids I call "Greenies".


2. Best moment was when I got my sho-dan in iai (duh). Actually, most special, was when we lined up at the kamiza and toasted the occasion with sake.


3. Worst Moment was when I locked myself in the ladies changing room at the hombu.


4. Stupidest Moment- Behold, this conversation: Cig Man: what's up now? Nerdverd: I wanna go to X college, but my girlfriend wants to go to Y. We keep fighting over where we wanna study kendo. Cig Man:...okay... Nerdverd: I wish I knew what women wanted so I'd know what to do. (hysterical laughter from all the married males in my class)


5. There is a God Moment- the days that head sensei made the kids do 20x, 40x, 50x, 100x pushups for kids who refused to shut up.


6. Most Likely to reach Black Belt- This year, probably Prince Valiant and Brown Belt girl from karate, those pint-sized karate senseis for iai.


7. Most Likely to Drop Out- Pot smoking guy, and hopefully several Greenies.


8. My Greatest Ally- Verizon guy. Thank Goodness for conversation.


9. My Worst Enemy- Greenies. All of them. And the Purple peoples. They will not pass me *grumble*.


10. My New Year's Resolution- I'd like to hit brown belt by the end of next year, but who knows?

Tabi holidays

Ho ho ho! It's that time of year again where we put those expensive things we need for martial arts class on our Christmas lists. This year I got my classes for the month of December paid for. I also got some nice black tabi from head sensei. When he gave it to me, I was quite surprised, especially since I bought him white tabi. Tabi socks are a running joke at our dojo. I always wear them because I think they are comfy- I do have a large space between my big toes and the rest of my toes. I first got them in Japan some-odd years ago, and I typically wear them to Saturday class because that's when I run out of clean regular socks. Head sensei has been wanting a pair of white ones, unable to find them in his size. I finally found someone who carries them. Sadly, they won't be here in time from Christmas. *grumble*

Not much has happened recently. I sparred with aiki sensei and Tank the other day, and while I am very happy to do so after such a long time, I am really, really sore. I felt so little and inadequete sometimes.

Kill your television, Unplug your internet

If anybody ever asks me what is the secret to learning iai, I will tell them "Kill your television, and unplug your internet." Nothing kills enjoyment of teaching faster that someone who declares that they know what they are talking about before they even step into class. They know nothing- they regurgiate all the bad stuff they find online and in movies. I have told every new student in the past few months to stop reading and watching all that junk and commit to what we teach you. And they nod and say, "sure sensei, I know what you mean." Do they? Do they do what it means when they have sword in their hands that, even if they are 100% careful and mindful, they could injure somebody, or (if fate really smiles upon us) themselves? The newest guy, I call him Dopey (for both the literal and suggestive reasons) gave me the same speal to me and says, "Oh yes, I don't see it like that. I see it as an art." Yes, it is. It is an art for its original purpose was to kill people. Should you be so obsessed with a waza looking "cool" or even "real" that you forget its intentional meaning in the first place? It is an art, yes, but in the end, it is also an exercise in stretching your mind. Hmm, thinking for yourself. That's a novel idea.



Some added notes, not really pertaining to anything. Verizon guy and I got promoted to yellow belt- er, chevron patch looking thingy. Mom joked they looked like girl scout patches. She's right. This is it on the left hand side here. Dumb looking. Not as cool as my red stripe for iai. Purple belt girl's gonna need a new nickname- despite her best efforts she finally got promoted to brown belt, and she better get her butt moving because the two purples are right behind her. There's yet another greenie today, bringing the grand total up to 10. Too many greenies, ack! I relearned a new katori shinto ryu kata, which I like but hurts my feet. When my finals are all done, I'll be able to practice it more. Oh, and the newspaper did an article on the school. It was your usual fodder- cutest kids they could find for the pictures, fluffy stuff about the importance of discipline. I got a quote in there, which was printed up as a run-on sentence. Stupid newspaper editors.

Ahhh! They're multiplying!

There are now two more kids in iai- a goth kid, and another cigarette smoker. I came to class early- senseis hadn't arrived so we were locked out. There was this guy buzzing around, and in the ten minutes it took to open the place, the guy sucked down three cigarettes. I figured he can't be doing karate. Anyways, he and goth kid bonded. We were sparring with our goshinken sticks, and I overhear- "Yeah, a naginata, that's like a Sepheroth sword." I dunno which one said it, but when I find out I'm gonna punch him. It's hard enough to be a young kid in iai. Why don't you write in big red bold letters- I BELIEVE EVERYTHING I SEE ON TV AND THE INTERNET - to your forehead while you're at it? And then they got talking about how they too have "sparred" with bokkens and stuff with their equally stupid stick buddies, and then the cigarette guy asks what a shinai is supposed to be used for. You have no problem beating your friends with it, but you don't know what it's used for? Arghhh! No more Nerdverds, please!

Bork! Another roll call.

I'm having a terrible time trying to concentrate on school and martial arts. I have no money, no social life, and I'm constantly getting into fights over my future with the family. On top of that, it turns out I could be really sick. More on that later.

I've decided I need to update the class roster, since I am anticipating a huge turnover in the next month or so. Everyone is getting on everyone's nerves in karate and I don't think too many people are going to survive if the class keeps ballooning and people don't shut up. So, here goes;

Karate

• brown belts- Prince Valiant (10-ish) is now the highest ranking kyu in the class (with two stripes), and will probably make junior sho-dan by April of next year. Three others are also brown belts- they don't have nicknames, really. One is the only female kyu that outranks me, and two are 13 year old boys.
• Purple- There is Purple belt girl, who is called that because she's been the same rank of purple with stripe for two years. There are two more in the same rank, Wheezy Kid and another who have become so annoying that they are interchangable to me. The only regular purple belt is Verizon guy.
• Green- I am the oldest green with stripe, after that is Little T and some professional kid who's in a whole family of black belts. After that is Tank and a whole slew of horribly behaving green belts.
• Orange- Big T, a pair of twins, and a six year old.
• Yellow and white- So many little brats, it's crazy.

Total in karate class= approx. 30

Aiki

• Brown- two of my iai senseis
• Blue- Verizon guy, a karate sensei, and me.
• White- Cigarette man, Wally (if he comes back)

Total in aiki class= 8 or 9

Iai

• nikyu- little senseis
• sankyu- Prince Valiant
• Yonkyu- two guys without nicknames, Nerdverd, Cigarette Man
• Mu- Peanut, and a lady and her son.

Total in iai class= 10

Beagle-do- the art of persistance.

Peanut came back! Plus, we had two new people join iai- a mother and her son, who also study shotokan karate. The mother seems more into it than the kid. That brings our iai class up to 5 kids, and 4 adults (including me and excluding the senseis). That was about how big the class was when I started two years ago. Yesterday as I practiced, I thought about how many kids should have been sho-dans before me. Two people, Valleyboy and Prince Valiant (I call him that because of his haircut. He's the kid my mother wants to kidnap 'cause he's cute') started in class the same day I did. Today, Valleyboy has moved away to college and brown belt boy is occasionally in class. He recently got promoted to san-kyu in iai, but his attendance in karate and iai is so sporadic that it's hard to teach him anything. Before me were two others- the kid with the papparazzi dad and his blond friend, both quit. Also, there was the little senseis (before they were senseis, of course)- they have decided to concentrate on karate. Frankly, they have all the time in the world to reach sho-dan in iai, unless they quit when they're old enough to play football or something. The iai sensei that left a while back had a brother in the class that quit couple months after I joined. Since I joined, the only people to really stick around has been Nerdverd and Cigarette man. The latter had his wife in the class, but she dropped out too. Then there was that boy who came twice in his first month, once a month for three months after that, then not at all.

It is thinking about these people, and about my dog's eagerness to steal food, that remind me that skill is nothing without persistence. Here in the picture above is a blind beagle who did not let his vision impairment (or the fact he just ate) sway his desire to rip the bag open. I guess my beagle knows something of what I am talking about.

Where are you, Peanut?

I think Peanut quit. He hasn't been to the last 3 classes (but then again, neither has Nerdverd). I hope he didn't because that would suck...and after I gave him a nickname. Speaking of nicknames, I bestow a nickname on that guy in iai and karate- cigarette man, bcause that's what he smells like. You'd think eventually I'd learn actual names of people. Hmm.

So other than that, I have been working on getting a purple belt and some sword stuff. I tried unsuccessfully to teach one of the little senseis the fourth kumitachi, but I couldn't remember the footwork. We finally had to break open three different manuals to find the right steps. I know I'm not crazy- I did just learn this one two months ago. Ah well. I work on #4 and 5, and I'm also working on bo stuff and my new karate kata, Saifa. This one is nice. The next one, nijushiho, is apparently quite a bitch. So I'm using the time now to clean up all my other katas so I can learn that one when I get to it. Too many katas. Josie brain is swimming.

Now and Zen- a Perspective on Teaching

Two weeks or so ago, this 10 year old, who I will call Peanut (for his shape, but definitely not his size), started iai. He was the first to join iai class since I made sho-dan, so I have pretty much been given responsibility of him. So far, I enjoy 1-on-1 teaching. Sometimes I think he actually listens to me. The karate bunch, on the other hand, need to be poked a couple times with a hot pitchfork.


It astonishes me how bad the kids have gotten recently. Normally, they do not push head sensei, but now they could care less. My mom's dog has more discipline- at least bribery with food works on her. This is made worse by the influx of white belts and the lack of adult blackbelt supervision. For the most part, the little senseis have been taking the teaching reigns- horrendously. The two, although are young, know nothing about the earning of respect and appreciation for others. Admittedly, I'm not sure I can do much better- but at least I know not to leave a 5 year old white belt in a horse stance for twenty minutes. I guess that doesn't bother me though, as much as some of their comments to the kids. They say stuff, first off, in a very snotty voice, and they expect way too much out of their students. Just because they were blackbelts at ten doesn't mean that a 10 year old greenie has the same skill or attention span. Plus, if the kid is a little on the chubby side, he's not going to be able to do a perfect pushup (as if any 10 year old could). With these things in mind, I really can't fault the kids for wanting to rebel all the time. It's just insulting for someone to do that to you, never mind the age difference.


I think in order to teach kids, there has to be an adult figure- NO EXCEPTIONS! That five or ten year age difference can mean a lot when it comes to knowing how to control your group. There are some in class that are nice, well-meaning, and do an overall good job with running the show when head sensei is busy- most of them black belts, but some of the kyu ranks too. Others, like Uke Killer, are freaking useless. Uke Killer spent a class flirting with purple belt girl while the brownies crawled the walls. Then when head sensei yelled at him, not the group, he was surprised. Well, black belt to me signifies that you have the maturity to do as you're told, not what you feel like.



So I hope Peanut stays, and I hope he learns good manners as well as iai from me. As for the rest of the kids- God, I hope Darwin's theory of natural selection is true.


On a (rather large) side note, this guy (I still need a nickname for him) who's been in our iai class for a while decided he was going to take aiki and karate too. I guess he bit off more than he could chew, because by yesterday, he was back to just iai again. We did pick up another aiki uke- a guy about 400 pounds. You know he's big when one of my karate senseis turns to me and says, "I have no idea how we're gonna throw that guy!" Eep, me either. I'm calling him Wally, although our Tank probably can't knock down this wall. Big T came back to aiki, minus Little T, whom I wonder if he quit. Speaking of which- that iai kid hasn't been back lately either (overscheduled tikes *grumble*). Big T brought in Girl T as well into karate, so now all that's really left is Medium T (who I hear is awful) and Mom T. I bet Mom T would be quite a fighter. I haven't seen Verizon guy in a while. Hmm.

Trapped in the Closet- the aiki version

I got my stripe on monday! The good news is, thanks to being in aiki, I have most of the requirements for purple belt already. I also purchased a sparring gear set, and learned two sword katas. All was going well this week. That was, until I went to the hombu with aiki sensei this week. We decided to go up there and get more help with the new techniques in the "red belt" section of our book. We arrived late, missing the announcement not to shut the closet door on the ladies changing room. I shut the door, changed, and realized I locked myself in. There was people pulling on the knob from the outside, and me tugging on the inside. All I could think of was, "I'm trapped in the closet". I thought if need be, I could kick the door down. Finally, someone picked the lock, and I mortifyingly started class with everyone else. I had a good time though. We worked on mostly kneeling techniques. My partner was very helpful, and freaked out at how flexible I was. I forgot his name, though- I'll call him Buzzcut guy. While I was there, I finally bought a new white gi top. No more holes