Birthday Blackbelt?

So today was a productive day. I reviewed stuff for my test, did some throwing, and almost killed my big toe. Serious- it bent in two directions. Thank you, ligamentous laxity. Other than spraining my big toe off a tai-otoshi with Sarge, it was a good day. Batta got ranked in aiki, so he's no longer a bottom feeder in anything, and I got some badly needed training for my future ukes. It's a good thing...getting them away from the kids. Head Sensei says end of July is impossible, and so is beginning of August. I told him the end would be the best time, so it's looking like I have my black belt test on my birthday. Woot.

But Papa Smurf Always Says....

Nobody likes a Brainy Smurf. It seems like every institution of learning has one- you know, one of those kids who in grade school complains to the substitute teacher that she's not doing like the regular teacher, who grows up to be that guy on the assembly line who complains you're deviating from the manual even if the manual is a piece of crap? That's our Brainy Smurf, a freckled piece of useless brat who'd look real good upside down in a trash can.

In class on Saturday, Head Sensei reviewed him for rank. Batta and I are understandably peeved, but nobody listens to us anyway. I, meanwhile, had a review for the test, which...for some odd reason, keeps getting shorter. The time before, we got up to nijushiho, this time we got up to rohai-dai. Probably next class, I'll only review 27 movements. Bah! The good news is that Batta is now a yellow-belly, and joins Goth Kid and the other adult in yellow-bellied purgatory. I tell Batta not to be in a rush for orange, because Orangies are bad people. Take Brainy Smurf, for instance, who was an Orangie until Saturday. Now he's a dreaded Greenie. DEATH TO ALL GREENIES!

Oh, and by the way, Happy Sensei...

THIS IS THE HYPOGLOSSAL
THIS, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS NOT

Countdown to Hell

In my last entry, I referred to this time as purgatory. Now I'm starting to think this is a spiralling descent into Hell. Head Sensei gave me August as a tentative date, right after I am burnt out from school. So much for a vacation. He also told me that he doesn't have to prepare me as much as some other people...Lazy Girl, anyone?

Purgatory begins...

I always referred to waiting for blackbelt as purgatory, because you never know when you are going to be called up. So this is where I am in my karate training, waiting patiently for my test date. Head Sensei is giving me no clue, although there is an aiki clinic at the end of June. There is always a clinic, following a blackbelt test.

Doc will be testing for sho-dan in iai rather soon, and the Bevenvolent matriarch/dictator is working on sho-dan for aiki....if Head Honcho sensei doesn't change the book again. Other than that, nothing's going on, except for the fact that kids are pissing me off. Head Sensei asked sword sensei to review me, then he threw Lazy Girl into his care as well. SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT! She cheated off of me the whole time because she doesn't know vocabulary. She should never get to ikkyu- EVER. I expressed this view to Doppleganger and she agrees with me. I know...I'm just waiting...for them to ask me to help her with her junior rank aiki stuff that she should already know. Blah.

And there's this other kid....I call him Brainy Smurf because he butts in all the time with his innate (and wrong) knowledge. "Papa Smurf says...." I just wanna punch him and put him upside down in a trash can and watch his little size 5 feet kick in a fury of helplessness. Can't complain about rules when you're stuffed in a trash can. And then, there's Wheezy Kid. *sigh*....Not 5 minutes after Benevolent Matriarch/dictator told him to carry his bo correctly did he crash into the lobby divider. "Oops..." He says. Is there any room in that trash can?

One final note- I saw Big and Little T in the mall the other day. Big T is the same, but Little T is no longer little. He's taller than his father and looks like a beanpole with flowing blond hair like Leif Garrett. I miss those guys.

Club Soda not Seals

Batta and I discovered what the end result would be if you gave a padded weapon to an overstressed chiro. student- clubbing. At least, that's what we call improper use of a goshinken stick. Poor Batta was so excited over his first rank in iai (yay!) that he jumped at the opportunity to spar me on monday. The former boxer that he is, he still is in the mindset that harder is better, and after Head Sensei scolded him for hitting too hard and not making proper cuts, Batta bought me ice cream and all is forgiven.

I have started to learn kururunfa, but to no avail, because now every other monday there's a blackbelt weapons class that Head Sensei runs during regular class and we get stuck with Happy. Argh...argh...ARGH. Happy cannot teach adults- enough said. He'd be overjoyed to teach little kids because anyone over the age of 4 can tell he doesn't practice. Half of the time he doesn't know his upper level stuff, and the stuff he does know enough to teach, he does wrong. And his grasp on anatomy and Japanese.....*shutter*.

I don't know when to expect my black belt test to be. It very well could happen that with school and Lurch and Frankenstein on my heels, that they could test first- which is just as well- I don't want to share my special day anyway.

Times, they are a training...again

Like I said, much has happened. This is part two.

You know when May hits, that things around school pick up again. The tournament is over, and rankings begin again. People start going on vacations, we start thinking about cutting goza. The cahnge around the school itself is big. We got two new flooring sections; one wood, one (not so) squishy mat squares. The wood is slippery, gets dirty easily, and has the kids trying to stomp their feet in an effort to make the loudest noise possible. The mats are coated in something extra slippery. Goth kid took a mile slide when we threw him. They also stink like new car- not that it's a bad smell, but it's pungent. I have to say it does look nice though.


The biggest change is that head honcho sensei has retired his head honcho-y title. He'll still be around, misspelling Japanese and driving us crazy with his 20,000 move reperetoire, no doubt. The number one guy took his title, and Head sensei has a new title- but it means nothing in the scope of this blog. He is still our Head Sensei :)


The kamidana is going to be moved to new wall, which means instead of saying "joseki, rei." we'll have to say something else....if that's what'll happen. Oh, and by the way- I got my last stripe! YAY! *happy Josie dance!* That means I am now an ikkyu, and will now being training for black belt. Yay!

Bork! The results of the tournament

I'm writing two entries today since so much has happened. This is part one.

The tournament was just as long and ass-blistering as it has always been, but this year I did my best showing yet. First off, I spent four hours waiting for my first event, which was empty hand kata. There were only two other people in the 18+ brown belt division (thank God!), and they were two really nice people from an isshin-ryu school. Upon realizing we were the only ones, we rejoiced because we were all getting a medal. And- continuing the tradition of going first- I did my empi kata. My dad recorded half of it on my phone, and although the speed and sharpness is there, I noticed I bounced in and out of stances somewhat. The first guy had a much harder and little bit longer kata, and was very quick and crisp. I was hoping when he hit a snag he'd lose some concentration but he recovered quickly. It was one of those mistakes you don't catch unless you are a martial artist yourself. The second guy has the same kata, but was a little slow. I thought I probably finished third, but to my surprise I finished second, with a range of 9.o-9.5- highest scores yet.

Then, we were ready for sparring. I was asked several times whether or not I was okay sparring with the boys. Now, I saw the women's black belt division later in the day. I am glad I sparred the guys! A couple of black belts from other schools stuck around to see if I'd get hammered. Because there were three of us, we drew cards to see who'd sit out, and that was me. Wee, best thing ever. I realized right away the guy who won kata was the better sparrer by far. The other guy tried a spinning back kick on him, and kicked him in the balls. I think he thought since he originally hit air, that he was in the armpit, so he lifted up the kick, raising the poor ball-squished guy off the floor. He walked it off....didn't know if he was more hurt or embarrassed, and he continued to easily win the fight. So I'm up and facing the loser, which I dispense with quickly 3-0. I think I scored backfists on all three points. The next fight was for first. I can't remember who scored first, but it was back and forth until it was 2-2. I got him with a backfist but he scored a kick to the ribs faster. Rats! But overall I was pleased. Quite a few people came up to me afterwards and said I did a good job. Yay! So I got another silver.

Several hours later....they should really KILL SELF DEFENSE DIVISION! Before that though, there was weapons division. I choose not to do it because I really wasn't prepared for it. Some girl (the same I conplained about last year doing a leglock on someone twice her size) brought a naginata. A big damn naginata of which she had no realization of where her cutting edge was. It was obvious her coach put her up to it because it was "cool" and "different". And dammit, she won. Our benevolent matriarch/dictator was grading her ring and was the only judge who I knew understood sword work, so she gave her a whole point lower than everyone else. Thank God someone else was appalled. After that, this little girl who sat next my dad and I (and had been whining forever that her ass hurt- I don't blame her) was asked to draw the winning tickets for the money prize drawings that the benevolent matriarch/dictator forces us to sell every year. For the first time, people from our school actually won something. Our benevolent matriarch/dictator won $50, her husband won $25, and Sarge's kid won the top $100 prize. I laughed when they read his name. The parent of the whiny child asked me why, and I told him it was a ten year old kid. He snorted and said, "Figures. I need gas to get home, and he'll probably spend it on video games and candy." Candy up, Sarge's kid.

Meanwhile, the kiddie blackbelt rink (which, again, they did not split up between children and teens) was going on. The little senseis are getting used to not winning anymore. Wheezy kid got a 4th in weapons. Doppleganger, despite being young enough to compete in the kiddie ranks entered herself into the adult ring and got creamed. Finally, team kata is called and I get there and wait for Doppleganger, who is waiting for sparring at her ring to end. I informed the judge who thoughtfully put my card at the bottom of the pile. As I wait with Goth kid and the older of the little senseis (they are doing the same kata they did last year), I realize that another school had the idea of competing of a guaranteed medal. A group of 6 seven-year-olds went first. They were infectiously cute-not very together, but cute. Then two kids doing 27 movements. Ouch. Then, a group of slightly older kids did a kata from the same school as the little ones. As Goth kid and his partner start, Doppleganger finally gets there. We went last and did empi. Some asshole gave us a low 7. Other than that, it was pretty much cut and dry. We placed 4th, Goth kid and little sensei 3rd, teen kids 2nd, and the giant group of little kids placed 1st (no surprise).

That was the end. We all got together to talk about it. Goth kid rambled about...something. The smaller little sensei- (which, you know, out of respect for watching so many "Flavor of Love" shows, I'm gonna call those kids Thing 1 and Thing 2) Thing 2 made a very astute comment- we can't win at our own tournament. He's right, you know.

Kata Watch 2008

There may be the primaries on, but I'm watching kata. I'm drilling empi for the tournament just three days away. It's good that I don't have school, and I can drill it outside because it's so nice out. It's not good trying to correct all the problems I have with it, and the only comments I'm really getting is "it's coming".

I had a dream that I did a sai version of Honto instead of the sai kata Head Sensei wanted me to do and won. I liked that dream, so I tried practicing it. Problem is though it looks like shit, so I abandon it....must get empi ready. That's my goal.

As far as sparring goes, I am just going to commit to it and watch my leaning. That's the best I can do.

Head Sensei, meet Batta's parents....

So far, things have been pretty uneventful- that is to say, uneventful despite my growing anger at the situation of school. But I digress- I refuse to harbor negativity here that I haven't already spit out to Batta a hundred times before.

The whole school is being redone. New floor has been put in. It's those wood panellings that snap together like tinker toys. Looks beautiful, but it's a death trap. Sword kata on your knees kills, and kids are already falling over like dominos during sparring. A moment of silence though, for my dear old arch nemesis, the giant crater in the middle of the ceramic floor. May you never turn my ankle again *TAPS*. By Wednesday, there will be floor cushions in place of the other half of the floor. No more putting down those shitty mats. Ah, and I remember when we first bought those yellow vinyl crapscicles.

Owl has resurfaced at our school- why, I don't know. My guess is, he doesn't want to be a white belt at another school again. He's having too much fun being the big (stinky) cheese. He made an off-hand comment about how he can give us (Batta and I) pushups. I said, "No, you can't." and gave him the death stare. I have learned this ancient technique from Head Sensei and the Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator. It keeps the kids in line without so much as a word, yet makes them pee their pants. Stupid Owl. Oh, and Owl's little brother whom I will call Little Hoot is a purple belt who can't tie his belt on still. *Bangs head on wall*

So this weekend was the end of finals at chiro. school, and Batta's parents came up to help him move into his new house before he goes home for the break. We thought it'd be funny to drag them to class and watch as I threw Batta from one end of the dojo to the other. We were worried Mother Batta would be bored, but she enjoyed it. She even giggled out loud when Head Sensei hit him with a goshinken stick. Thanks to them showing up, it was probably one of the best classes I've had in a while.

Tournament troubles...as always

Amongst the trials of two weeks of finals- which have depleted our sanity, health, and root beer- Batta and I have been subjected to the annual crapfest that is preparing for the tournament. Once again, the little kids who monpolize time anyway are given special attention, in which head sensei teaches katas way too hard for ten year olds to comprehend. Wheezy kid has a tonfa kata- *sigh* - he's still about 4'7" and can barely hold them, let alone can do the sai kata he should be doing. Oh, and....I wonder if someone's gonna tell him to take the stickers off of them.

There's so many reason I hate the tournament- takes away instruction time, takes too long, I usually have to do it, etc. Blah blah blah. But the one thing I hate the most is taking my refined katas to the tournament only to realize you are in the same division as some professional whose katas are so hard he/she can do a shit job and still win. ARGH! But of course, Head Sensei talks me into doing it every year, and I suppose this year is no different. I only wish Batta could come, but he will be away.

I HATE SPARRING. I can't fathom how the rules for point sparring teaches you everything except how to cheat the rules to your advantage. There's nothing worse than a Tae Kwon Do professional white belt doing shitty pump kicks to try to push you out of the ring, or those people that push the boundaries of "no contact" *laugh* by drilling you in the face and acting like it was an accident. We've been sparring a lot recently (thanks, Batta) and I have a couple of choice bruises to show for it. We wished we sparred more frequently, instead of doing a ton of it just before the tourney. It is pretty much a guarantee even time we do, that someone ends up getting hurt. This time is was Tank's kid. Oh well, Darwinism.

I can't really understand if participating in this tourney every year is doing me any good. It certainly won't get me ranked any faster, or hold any promise of shiny medals and more confidence. I suppose I do it out of boredom. I must go to school out of boredom, too. Rats.

Everything is Fixed with Duck Tape.

Batta and I have been upset lately by how things are being run at the school. Moreso, Batta may quit. *sniff*

To start, that kid Owl quit. Duh. Like I didn't see that coming. I am quite thankful that little brat is gone, being that he always felt the need to give (usually incorrect) teaching advice- however, I am sick and tired of helping kids take their black belt test only quit as soon as that belt rests on their waists. I know there is supposedly a difference in rankings between junior and senior ranks, but I'm not seeing it.

Then, there is that talk I had with Head Sensei about what happened at the clinc. He tried to assure me that there was nothing wrong with me- that some of the black belts like to blow smoke out their asses and not to worry about. I realize now that comment made against me was more of an insult to him, but...

And then Batta got injured. He was an uke for kani hasami (flying scissors) and Doppleganger hooked him the wrong way. He nearly broke his clavicle, and I'm quite suprised he didn't seperate his shoulder, but all he did was ligament damage. And yet, Poor Batta, he is more pissed off at not testing for his yellow belt (see me, circa four and half years ago). He's been working with this kid who I'll call Beagle for his trademark dazed and confused look (and lack of attention), who for all intents and purposes, has the learning ability of a squished gnat. He's been there three months and he can't roll, fall, throw a punch, or remember the vocabulary for anything. Who the hell has been teaching him? Oh yeah, that's right- kids.

Wheezy Kid teaching us...I don't want to remember this, so I'm injecting another memory into this blog space. Duck tape. Doppleganger made good on her promise to Batta after he ate a bowl of ice cream and didn't throw up at an aiki clinic, so now batta has duck tape. Quack Quack Quack- little kid black belt don't exist in my world - QUACK QUACK QUACK.

Things I can do with Batta's shiny new roll of duck tape:

• Make him a new belt
• make him a sling to match his new belt
• create a weapon capable of destroying junior students
• cut it with my sword
• tape kids' mouths shut
• tape Wheezy Kid to the ceiling to see if anybody misses him
• tape closed the gigantic crater that is forming in the cement floor of our school
• use some of it as an adjustive tool at chiro. schooleat it- it might taste okay

Baa-baa, black ninja sheep

I am bored in martial arts right now. So here is another update on ranks:

aiki and iai- no change

Karate

me, Lazy Girl, Lurch- ni-kyu

number of total brownies: 4

fuzzy head twins, Tank- purple

number of total people people eaters: 3

Punky, Sarge's kid- green with stripe. Sarge: green

number of total Greenies: 5

Goth kid: yellow

Batta & Skittles: white

Clinic...Schmimick

So I have been taking Batta to classes, and being that we both missed two so far, we thought it would be a great idea to go to the karate clinic. Boy, was I mistaken. I suppose if one good thing is to come out of it, it's that I know I stil have some work before black belt...for sure.

The last time I went to Karate Clinic, I was still a white belt and didn't own a black gi. This apparently gave the right for some woman to berate me up and down. This fate was unfortunately, 4 years later, shared by Batta. It has become aggravating how some of the blackbelts in our system think they have the right to step all over anyone who isn't their student. I understand that our school- be it full of kids and tiny and overcrowded- seems to carry a certain distain by other schools in our system, most likely due to the fact we are the furthest east and we don't concentrate on competing. Excuse me all to Hell. It's not like a lowly brown belt can do anything to change the school's situation (even if I wanted to), but whatever.

There were a few stations- aiki, self-defense, iai, sparring, and kata. Aiki was ...eh, okay. Apparently, I have a problem with "flow". Self-defense was the worst. Not only was I made to feel like an idiot, one of the blackbelts made a back-handed compliment about how fast I was being ranked. The only good thing about it was I got to make aquaintance with a blonde who bore a striking resemblance to the bad guy in Karate Kid. Iai, thank goodnesss, was right after and was a total gimme. I felt better after seeing the older guy in our group continually hold the bokken upside down. Sparring was deathly. I got my ass kicked, primarily because I never spar and these guys always spar. *sigh* Then it was kata. *sigh* again. We were doing taikyoko shodan as a group and failing miserably. I was so glad time ran out before having to show my kata. The one guy who did empi was awesome. I'm glad I didn't have to follow it up I didn't care too much for kata because they were only interested in showing us how to compete, which I don't like.

So Batta and I went to class on monday to show what we had learned. Goth Kid also went, but I think he was on a medication low because he recalled nothing. I deliberately isolated the adults so we could work on self-defense. Batta was thankful I didn't do 27 movements again as he is sick of it. I laugh. History repeats itself. Batta and I both agreed that if any regular drunk was going to knock one out , it'd be with a haymaker (cue the clueless looks). "You know, guys- a roundhouse punch?" "Ohh!!" This sparked a conversation with Batta about barfights in Newark. "Did you really get into a barfight?" one of the little senseis asks. "Yes, lots of them." Batta answers. He inspires fear and that makes me strangely happy. We also sparred with goshinkens, which Batta loved. Silly Batta. He was so proud of the bruise head sensei left on his face.

Titles that make no sense! The legend of Batta-kun continues.

Batta and I are having a lot of fun doing aiki when we should be studying. It 's a great stress reliever. It is nice to have someone my age again in class. During his karate session with Sword Sensei, I saw Skittles tug on his sleeve and whisper something to him. When I asked Batta what he said, he told me, "Hey, you're a white belt, like me." How precious. Then aiki sensei chucked him, and there was a Batta-shaped splat grooved into the mat. Hehehe

It is good to teach Batta as it helps me to review. And review is the word, nyo. The first or so of March is the next round of black belt tests. I realized when talking to Sarge that I will be the first adult the school has tested for blackbelt in almost three years. Scary... The last was Short Sensei. Who knows when my test will be....August, I am guessing? That's the next time in between trimesters. I won't be ready in April, and in any case, that's when the tourney is.

They are testing Wheezy kid and Owl. *sigh* They really, REALLY need to wait with them. I don't foresee either one of those kids running (and controlling) their own group of kids successfully. On Monday, I had a bunch of purple and brown belts who were, for a lack of a better term, uninspired by kata. I made them each lead a group kata with disasterous results, and explained to tell why. If they couldn't lead a kata they should know by heart, then they didn't know it, which meant they wouldn't get their black belt. So there. Sensei means "teacher", kiddies. Anyways, I think I shocked poor Batta with my authoritarian style. I am still cute though. :)

Bork! The Legend of Batta-kun begins!

I have started bringing my friend from school into martial arts. I call him Batta (Grasshopper) as he is my student. I brought him to class on Saturday, hoping he would like it as much as I do. He always wanted to do karate, apparently. But when I told him about aiki and iai, he wanted to do that too! Crazy little grasshopper.

Batta is like a smaller version of Tank- he's a bit skinnier and not as tall but built the same way. He says he wants to be a little more sculpted (don't we all?) so I recommended he start going to class with me and see if he liked it. I was kinda nervous- he is the first person I have ever taken to meet Head Sensei and however he behaved, I knew would reflect onto me. Luckily, Batta is okay.

He really likes aiki. He was worried about how throwing would feel on his back but we told him to just remember to bend his knees and look up so he'd never have to strain it. He really liked the throws, and he's got good knees, which means he'll be Head Sensei's favorite uke in a few months. I taught him how to roll and fall. He even did a side fall when I accidentally threw him once (which surprised the crap out of him- he didn't think I could pick him up). He was less than enthuised with karate. He doesn't like kicking, and who wouldn't when you're as tall as he is? A guy his size would probably just pummel someone with one punch anyways. Doppleganger really drilled him on kick and horse stance, which he doesn't like either. Iai was funny. I bet Batta he would hit the ceiling and he did- twice. He also hit Goth Kid, who was trying to teach him WAY too much information. I was disappointed I couldn't teach him for two classes but I was watching him. He's got a long road ahead of him. I like Batta. I hope he stays with us.

Back into the groove

Ki is all about blending in to your environment, your opponent, nature. It is about the ability to go with the flow and roll with the punches. Ki is cultivated; if you leave it be too long, it withers like a plant. I have been having this issue.

To do aiki, or school? That is the ultimate problem. I can't keep going to school and missing class for four weeks at a time. I can't go home every week to go to class and not study. Ki, where are you?

An unfinished haiku...

Life has a funny way of putting things into perspective. For me, my difficulties in school and annoyances at martial arts classes have been dwarfed by the things my doppleganger is going through. It is times of uncertainty that remind us to always put our best foot forward and enjoy the moment. Enough of that.

So this week is all about getting back into rhythym. It is a nice change not to have to prepare anyone for any test in any class, though with the number of Brownies, this will quickly change. Basics- I love basics!- are back at the forefront. Someone ought to tell brownies they can't do splits first thing. It's bad for your muscles. Poor Tank tore his hamstring and is suffering quite a bit. The kiddies have been running class and that's fine with me as long as I get to work kata. I finally finished empi, and for as repetitive as it is, it is the bitch everyone says it is. There's a tai otoshi followed by a jump. Stupid little kids like it. They don't have ankles that roll.

It's Christmas again, and this year I didn't have time to get everyone presents so I bought a couple of items for the greater good. I bought an aiki book (in Japanese) for Head Sensei and a map of Japan for the kids to look at. Head Sensei is going to frame it and hang it up. That should attract Skittles and Wheezy kid for about 80% of class. Verizon Guy came home to visit while I was away at school (boo!), but says hi. Aw.

Today was my first three hour class in a long, long time. I needed it. I went through tachi-ai in ikkajo with the squirts (god dammit, why do I get stuck with them???). Short Sensei was there, and Sarge- they were breaking in the newest guy, which I honestly don't see staying.

Other than that, not much of note. Goth kid got his karate yellow belt. Frankenstein is a brownie now. Lazy girl is still a waste of space. Some things never change.

Be stealthy like Koala

Today was an interesting day. It was the first Wednesday that I had been into class for a long time. It was sparse- after all, it is the day before Thanksgiving. I noticed that Owl's little brother is now a purple belt (he can't be much older than 8 now).

I worked a little bit on my sai kata with my new sai (I forgot to mention that Head Honcho sensei brought me new sai on Saturday), and Sword Sensei helped me out a lot. I am still getting used to the pair, which now feel too light and short, as supposed to too big and heavy.

So class starts, with Doppleganger, Owl, and Freckles leading the way. Someone should instruct them not to create a 5 step waza for white belts. Skittles was having a rough day. He ended up in the corner for most of class. I was taken aside and Head Sensei told me to show him all the requirements for ni-kyu. Half of it was aiki, so we skipped those requirements and I did Tensho and my sai kata. I had a couple of issues with Tensho, especially with a particular press. He said it was like a part in Kururunfa...which, I haven't done yet. So after that, we do some basic waza work, and then I got my ni-kyu! Woot! I have a stripe on my brown belt. One more, and it's study time for that coveted black belt. Eep. Sword Sensei said that Head Honcho sensei couldn't wait until my test...eep.

Aiki class was pretty uneventful. We went through all the tachi-ai techniques in the ikkajo list. There is apparently yet another new aiki book, this time, the rank sheets have been fixed. Hmm. So here I sit, with my karate koala. I only have two katas for karate left; empi, and kururunfa. Empi is next, and it's harder than hell. Bring it on.

What a Weird Weekend...

Coming home to train this weekend suddenly made me realize that I have not been training well...at all.I was nervous for this junior test, although I am not sure exactly why. I think it is because I have more invested in these guys' staying on than ever. When I was home last weekend, Short Sensei surmised that I would probably be testing for black belt by about this time next year. NOVEMBER 2008- the Karate Olympics, with such events as kata, chain defense, and cookie eating. Okay, maybe I don't have to train so hard for that last one...

So Saturday rolls around. I didn't particularly want to get up, but I knew I had to. So I went, and it was mass confusion as usual, and Head Honcho sensei was late, as usual. The tests themselves were crazy. Freckles almost passed out as was doing horrible on one of his katas. As much as I like Freckles he probably should have failed. Half way through his self defense he lost it big time and Head Honcho sensei almost stopped the test. Then, Momma Freckles blows up at him and it quickly spiraled out of control. The rest of us just sit there with our mouths open, and I hear Sarge whispering to her little Greenie "Don't worry, Mommy will never embarrass you like that". Freckles's dad luckily had enough sense to stay out of it. Luckily, Head Honcho sensei was able to calm her down and the test continued. So Eraserhead did his test, and although it was considerably better, he was anything to write home about. Oh, and I had to uke because the tween-aged higher ranks were horrible! Horrible, horrible, horrible ukes! The whole self defense portion of both tests were giant wrestling matches. Three people (myself included) got smacked good. Freckles wretched my middle finger and Eraserhead kneed me in the back and gave me a big bluish present on my arm. Wheezy kid got drilled and spent the rest of the day crying (for once, I don't blame him). But they got their belts anyway...*sigh* Oh, I also forgot to mention that during this test the two highest ranks after these guys, Owl, one Fuzzy Head Twin, and Lazy Girl, got yelled at again (they were yelled at the last test for stupid behavior). Owl was on the mats, Lazy's phone went off, and that twin tried to volunteer to show that he could do something better than the kids testing. Skittles, by the way, sat pretty quiet. Autism, Shmautism. They should use the effort going into curing that and use it to cure Bratism.

So then, Short Sensei tests for ni-dan and I wanted to watch, but by then everyone is starving, so we head out to the Chinese Restaurant. I sat with Sarge, her kid, Dopplegagger, and Tank. Tank, by the way, is now a purple belt *yay!*. It was nice to talk with them- they are like old friends, and especially now with Verizon Guy gone, training is lonely without them. After that, the aiki clinic happened. I was rather disappointed to be honest. There wasn't enough mat space, and we didn't go over anything new- except that we've been doing nukite dori wrong for the last year. I was super tired too, and I didn't want to do anything after a while. When I got home, I felt exhausted.

So, today rolls around and I get up for iai clinic. Head Honcho sensei is late...again. We bow in, and realize suddenly, this is not going to be a typical clinic. Apparently Head Sensei and Head Honcho sensei had been talking and they decided that since Head Honcho sensei was down, that they would rank a whole bunch of people. Yikes. So the rest of us are working by ourselves, while Head Honcho's uchideshi runs back and forth between us. I spend most of the time with this sensei of ours, whom I will call Happy (for no other purpose than to assign yet another dwarf as a nickname), and we work kumitachi #5. Good practice, I suppose. I was able to steal sword sensei long enough to go over #7 *yay!*. Somewhere during there, the Benevolent Dictator and I talked with a perspective student about iai, trying to sound happy, but not so much that we are used car salesmen. She seemed more interested in aiki, though. It was pretty uneventful- except maybe Sneezy's minor sugar crash- until Head Sensei comes over to me and says "get your book". Get my book?! For what?

For ni-dan, apparently. After Head Honcho sensei looked at the kyus, he wanted to see the lower dans. I showed him what I knew, and he said I looked smooth...and a whole bunch of other nice things. He had Goth Kid come over and watch me do a draw. I felt pretty good about myself, until he asked me to show him my left handed draws. Yikes, they were bad. They were one of those things I didn't practice while at school. But everything else was okay. I even showed off my Katori katas. By this time, my hip was killing me, but I still had to do goshin ken fighting with (out of my own stupidity) Cigarette Man and Doc...at the same time. But, I did okay. So, Head Honcho sensei says to me afterwards that my ranking was "overdue". That was nice to hear. So now I am a ni-dan in iai. Odd, isn't it? So, here are updated ranks for iai class:

• Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator- yon dan (what about her husband? hmm)
• Happy- San dan
• me- ni dan
• little senseis- sho dan
• Doc, Sneezy, Cigarette Man- ikkyu
• Goth Kid- ni-kyu
• little senseis' mom- yon-kyu

Slap my gym pals.

The title of this entry is a palindrome; same forwards as backwards. I use this because I feel like my time as a martial artist is becoming linear and repeating. I feel as though the same instances are repeating themselves, if only in a slightly different direction.

I hurt my hip again. So, no serious martial arts for two weeks, which is just as well, considering I should be busy with school, and Head Sensei is busy testing two people at once...again (because it worked so well the first time). The little senseis, especially the younger one, have their nose up so far into the air that they can touch their butts (fighting over who technically has senority even though they are the same rank). The kids testing for black belt in a couple weeks- Eraserhead and Freckles- are following the eerily familiar pattern of cramming for their test (only to never be heard from again when they get their belt). Their self-defense is basically "use whatever I saw on wrestling the other night", and not anything they learned over the past 4-7 years. Are they really ready? Then again, they are testing for kid belt. Is it any different from adult? Only to the adults.

I am still stuck teaching the same kids who keep getting ranked even though their basics are awful. I had one of Punky's friends, Frankenstein, Owl, and Lurch. Sometimes, I thik that the middle ranks are a sick version of survivor; you keep gettign ranked as long as you stay on the "island". As a constant teacher, am I being honored or punished?

And where the hell are the adults? Where's Tank, and Cigarette Man? Where's half of the newbies? Every time we have a big attendance surge, the class ends up shrinking smaller than it was before. Bah. We do have two new people in our aiki class who look like they will stay- one I will call Surfer Dude and one I will call Thinking Man. That's nice, I guess. Now how about people around my own rank?

At the end of class on Saturday, Head Sensei apparently talked to my mom. She says he told her that he wished he had 100 students like me. Hmm. At least I'd have good ukes.