Be stealthy like Koala

Today was an interesting day. It was the first Wednesday that I had been into class for a long time. It was sparse- after all, it is the day before Thanksgiving. I noticed that Owl's little brother is now a purple belt (he can't be much older than 8 now).

I worked a little bit on my sai kata with my new sai (I forgot to mention that Head Honcho sensei brought me new sai on Saturday), and Sword Sensei helped me out a lot. I am still getting used to the pair, which now feel too light and short, as supposed to too big and heavy.

So class starts, with Doppleganger, Owl, and Freckles leading the way. Someone should instruct them not to create a 5 step waza for white belts. Skittles was having a rough day. He ended up in the corner for most of class. I was taken aside and Head Sensei told me to show him all the requirements for ni-kyu. Half of it was aiki, so we skipped those requirements and I did Tensho and my sai kata. I had a couple of issues with Tensho, especially with a particular press. He said it was like a part in Kururunfa...which, I haven't done yet. So after that, we do some basic waza work, and then I got my ni-kyu! Woot! I have a stripe on my brown belt. One more, and it's study time for that coveted black belt. Eep. Sword Sensei said that Head Honcho sensei couldn't wait until my test...eep.

Aiki class was pretty uneventful. We went through all the tachi-ai techniques in the ikkajo list. There is apparently yet another new aiki book, this time, the rank sheets have been fixed. Hmm. So here I sit, with my karate koala. I only have two katas for karate left; empi, and kururunfa. Empi is next, and it's harder than hell. Bring it on.

What a Weird Weekend...

Coming home to train this weekend suddenly made me realize that I have not been training well...at all.I was nervous for this junior test, although I am not sure exactly why. I think it is because I have more invested in these guys' staying on than ever. When I was home last weekend, Short Sensei surmised that I would probably be testing for black belt by about this time next year. NOVEMBER 2008- the Karate Olympics, with such events as kata, chain defense, and cookie eating. Okay, maybe I don't have to train so hard for that last one...

So Saturday rolls around. I didn't particularly want to get up, but I knew I had to. So I went, and it was mass confusion as usual, and Head Honcho sensei was late, as usual. The tests themselves were crazy. Freckles almost passed out as was doing horrible on one of his katas. As much as I like Freckles he probably should have failed. Half way through his self defense he lost it big time and Head Honcho sensei almost stopped the test. Then, Momma Freckles blows up at him and it quickly spiraled out of control. The rest of us just sit there with our mouths open, and I hear Sarge whispering to her little Greenie "Don't worry, Mommy will never embarrass you like that". Freckles's dad luckily had enough sense to stay out of it. Luckily, Head Honcho sensei was able to calm her down and the test continued. So Eraserhead did his test, and although it was considerably better, he was anything to write home about. Oh, and I had to uke because the tween-aged higher ranks were horrible! Horrible, horrible, horrible ukes! The whole self defense portion of both tests were giant wrestling matches. Three people (myself included) got smacked good. Freckles wretched my middle finger and Eraserhead kneed me in the back and gave me a big bluish present on my arm. Wheezy kid got drilled and spent the rest of the day crying (for once, I don't blame him). But they got their belts anyway...*sigh* Oh, I also forgot to mention that during this test the two highest ranks after these guys, Owl, one Fuzzy Head Twin, and Lazy Girl, got yelled at again (they were yelled at the last test for stupid behavior). Owl was on the mats, Lazy's phone went off, and that twin tried to volunteer to show that he could do something better than the kids testing. Skittles, by the way, sat pretty quiet. Autism, Shmautism. They should use the effort going into curing that and use it to cure Bratism.

So then, Short Sensei tests for ni-dan and I wanted to watch, but by then everyone is starving, so we head out to the Chinese Restaurant. I sat with Sarge, her kid, Dopplegagger, and Tank. Tank, by the way, is now a purple belt *yay!*. It was nice to talk with them- they are like old friends, and especially now with Verizon Guy gone, training is lonely without them. After that, the aiki clinic happened. I was rather disappointed to be honest. There wasn't enough mat space, and we didn't go over anything new- except that we've been doing nukite dori wrong for the last year. I was super tired too, and I didn't want to do anything after a while. When I got home, I felt exhausted.

So, today rolls around and I get up for iai clinic. Head Honcho sensei is late...again. We bow in, and realize suddenly, this is not going to be a typical clinic. Apparently Head Sensei and Head Honcho sensei had been talking and they decided that since Head Honcho sensei was down, that they would rank a whole bunch of people. Yikes. So the rest of us are working by ourselves, while Head Honcho's uchideshi runs back and forth between us. I spend most of the time with this sensei of ours, whom I will call Happy (for no other purpose than to assign yet another dwarf as a nickname), and we work kumitachi #5. Good practice, I suppose. I was able to steal sword sensei long enough to go over #7 *yay!*. Somewhere during there, the Benevolent Dictator and I talked with a perspective student about iai, trying to sound happy, but not so much that we are used car salesmen. She seemed more interested in aiki, though. It was pretty uneventful- except maybe Sneezy's minor sugar crash- until Head Sensei comes over to me and says "get your book". Get my book?! For what?

For ni-dan, apparently. After Head Honcho sensei looked at the kyus, he wanted to see the lower dans. I showed him what I knew, and he said I looked smooth...and a whole bunch of other nice things. He had Goth Kid come over and watch me do a draw. I felt pretty good about myself, until he asked me to show him my left handed draws. Yikes, they were bad. They were one of those things I didn't practice while at school. But everything else was okay. I even showed off my Katori katas. By this time, my hip was killing me, but I still had to do goshin ken fighting with (out of my own stupidity) Cigarette Man and Doc...at the same time. But, I did okay. So, Head Honcho sensei says to me afterwards that my ranking was "overdue". That was nice to hear. So now I am a ni-dan in iai. Odd, isn't it? So, here are updated ranks for iai class:

• Benevolent Matriarch/Dictator- yon dan (what about her husband? hmm)
• Happy- San dan
• me- ni dan
• little senseis- sho dan
• Doc, Sneezy, Cigarette Man- ikkyu
• Goth Kid- ni-kyu
• little senseis' mom- yon-kyu

Slap my gym pals.

The title of this entry is a palindrome; same forwards as backwards. I use this because I feel like my time as a martial artist is becoming linear and repeating. I feel as though the same instances are repeating themselves, if only in a slightly different direction.

I hurt my hip again. So, no serious martial arts for two weeks, which is just as well, considering I should be busy with school, and Head Sensei is busy testing two people at once...again (because it worked so well the first time). The little senseis, especially the younger one, have their nose up so far into the air that they can touch their butts (fighting over who technically has senority even though they are the same rank). The kids testing for black belt in a couple weeks- Eraserhead and Freckles- are following the eerily familiar pattern of cramming for their test (only to never be heard from again when they get their belt). Their self-defense is basically "use whatever I saw on wrestling the other night", and not anything they learned over the past 4-7 years. Are they really ready? Then again, they are testing for kid belt. Is it any different from adult? Only to the adults.

I am still stuck teaching the same kids who keep getting ranked even though their basics are awful. I had one of Punky's friends, Frankenstein, Owl, and Lurch. Sometimes, I thik that the middle ranks are a sick version of survivor; you keep gettign ranked as long as you stay on the "island". As a constant teacher, am I being honored or punished?

And where the hell are the adults? Where's Tank, and Cigarette Man? Where's half of the newbies? Every time we have a big attendance surge, the class ends up shrinking smaller than it was before. Bah. We do have two new people in our aiki class who look like they will stay- one I will call Surfer Dude and one I will call Thinking Man. That's nice, I guess. Now how about people around my own rank?

At the end of class on Saturday, Head Sensei apparently talked to my mom. She says he told her that he wished he had 100 students like me. Hmm. At least I'd have good ukes.

The Ticking Time-bomb of Slacktitude

I have been spending a lot of time at school, and not so much at martial arts. Today is the first Saturday I have spent here on campus and not at martial arts class. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I found out that Freckles and Eraserhead are testing for junior black belt in November so Head Sensei's time is focused on them right now. I thought it was strange that they showed up to a Saturday class. So basically me showing up just gives him another adult to watch the kids, and I don't need that right now. I can use this quiet time to work on my own stuff.

This past Saturday, I went to aiki, and it was the same old crap- teaching ikkajo stuff to people who can barely roll yet. I wish we could get back to the old stuff. I talked with a guy at the black belt meeting a while back about how his aiki class is run. They have a lot of upper belts, not so many sword peoples, so they are struggling with wakizashi work. he says they spend about half the class on basic techniques (which we rarely see, go figure) and the other half on ikkajo stuff. And they spend 5 minutes or so working their wakizashis. I wish we could do that!

In karate I ran into a new kid, who I will call Skittles. He's definintely autistic. He has no concept of space (or walls) and has some balance issues. I got him focused for about 20 minutes, but after that, he became unglued. I kept one hand on his shoulder at all times just to get a feel for what he was going to do next, like throw himself into a wall. Skittles is actually a bright kid and like most six or seven year olds, likes ninja turtles and a has a short attention span. I'd rather work with him than the fuzzy head twins or Punky or any of the other kids that give me crap. At least I get the feeling someone is trying to listen. You can't tell Skittles, "Do a horse stance" instead I say, "Sit in a chair" and boom- there is he is , in a perfect horse stance...for about four seconds.

Nothing's really changed in sword. People are still bumbling through the same katas because a) they don't practice or b) they don't listen. The little senseis' mom drives me crazy. It's like she doesn't have to listen because her kids are shodans. Right. And the kids haven't been to class lately either. Professional Mom and son are taking a break because for some reason, her kid is having trouble handling 4 AP classes...hmm...It'll be a long while before anybody is up for shodan again. Doc and Sneezy are falling apart physically, but they are next in line. It's really a battle to survive in our class, as attendance swells and wanes like a sick yo-yo diet.

Head Sensei, Sword Sensei, and I talk a bit after class about the state of things. I politely voiced my concern (and frustration) at the way certain techniques have been ignored in favor of learning the new stuff. Me, I actually need that stuff for my next rank, and I have nobody close to me to work them. I asked if it'd be alright next time if I could take short sensei (this is what I will call him until I remember his original nickname) and we could just work all this crap out for a whole class by ourselves. Head Sensei insisted on us taking Goth Kid, who just got his first rank. What the hell. He's got one whole set of ranks he's probably never even seen yet before he's up to our level. He needs to work his own stuff first- I don't care if he's the only good uke we got.

Head Sensei also mentioned that he wanted to "get me to nikyu"- which is a not-so-subtle hint that I have to get off my ass and make my katas look presentable after these blackbelt tests. It's nice to know he still thinks of me every once in a while, with the traffic jam at the brownie ranks. Wheezy kid and Owl are next (and what is wrong with Owl's mother? Taking a kid 100 miles for a karate class when there's 100 around your new hometown is just blatant "I just want the black belt")- but they are awful young. Wheezy still cries when he gets hit, and Owl is just awful. After that is Lazy Girl- she'll test when Hell freezes over. I'm next in line. Damn. They also mentioned how my ni-dan in iai is coming up "soon"- whenever that is, and I still had some time yet, but it comes up "sooner than you think." Eep.

In two or three weeks, no clue what day it is here), Head Honchi Sensei is doing the tests, plus having iai and aiki clinics. It should be good, provided the kids don't misbehave again (Owl, this means you). Last time, they were so cranky, and I don't blame them. It took 6 hours. Hopefully after that weekend I'll have a better idea of where I should be.

Same old training

Things have been hectic with school. Martial arts hasn't been too much on my mind, except all the classes that I am missing. Last weekend, I got to go home and go to class on a saturday and a monday. I had an eye doctor appointment on moday just before iai so I figured I would just go. It was nice to go during the week again.

The little senseis' mom has been saying she was making her own hakama and gi. Oh boy. Her uniform is bright blue....bright freaking blue. And the pleats are flared out so far on the hakama it looks like a ball gown. Anyways, I've been working kumitachi 6 and 7 a lot, trying to prepare myself for ni-dan, whenever that is. Head sensei says that I am doing really good.

I am a little concerned with midterms coming up, trying to keep the balance. Tensho is going slow, and I've worked my sai kata a few times. It remains to be seen how long I have until I need to worry about black belt. Tank's kid and Lurch are now brown belts too. I don't look forward to having to call them 'sensei'. I worked hard to stay were I am, and paid for everything. At the least, I want to test before them.

Bork...practicing alone....

School has been fun, but detrimental to my martial arts. It is hard to find the time- nay, the room- to practice. Nevertheless, I make it a point to practice one martial art a day if I can. Karate one day, iai the next. As for aiki, I can't very well throw myself...or can I?

I went home for Saturday class, and Dopplegagger and I did our Tensho and sai katas and that was about it. Just as well. I was surprised to see none of the little purple people-eater brats were brown belts yet. That's good...I guess. The adults are finally starting to come together. Cigarette Man is a yellow belt, and this other mom (do I have a nickname for her? Let's call her Sarge) is orange. That's nice to see, though I wish Tank would get closer to me in rank so I'd have someone to work with.

Iai hasn't changed much- except sword sensei is trying another warm-up to drive us crazy. This periodical practicing is going to drive me crazy. November 14th is registration day- I may be able to go to aiki class, and a week after that I get thanksgiving recess. Until December 14th, no more 3x a week. Bork.

Kusudama- a ball full of stars

A kusudama is an old Japanese ornament that goes back to the court days. It is a really pretty ornament that is made of several steps. 60 petals, 12 flowers- 4 clusters of 3 flowers each, 5 petals per flower. It is truly a geometric experience, and when looked at in this analytical way, it is easy to forget you are building such a beautiful flower ball. Such like a martial arts career, when that ball is you.

Over the past summer, it has been difficult to keep from being a little depressed. I have only been looking at how much work I have left to go, but not the product of my hard work. I suppose it's because martial arts is such a blanket of comfort that the prospect of leaving it for even a week makes me sad. But, I know I will be back again, and that I have a lot to be proud of. I'll be okay.

This past week- in between ending my job and getting ready for chiro. college- I have been working on a breathing kata called Tensho, or Sanchin to some. It's a slow, deliberate kata that'll make you pass out if you can't breathe correctly. I will practice it as much as I can. I also learned a sai kata in two classes. Damn. It is short but so involved. I felt dumb in that I would forget a move twos econds after Head Sensei taught it to me. That is itself was so nice. It is rare in karate to be able to get his attention, especially with all the brownies that are ahead of me. I know it was because I was leaving for school, and he wanted to make sure I had all my kata, but it was still nice of him to take the time. I did learn it all, so it wasn't a waste!

Things at school are in a strange state. We have yet to hit the school-time surge in attendance, and it seems that the class is beginning to shrink again. There is a record of 5 brownies; Eraserhead (whom I haven't seen in a while...hmm) Owl (who informed me today, despite moving away 90 miles, he will be back in October) Wheezy Kid, Lazy Girl, and myself. That's a lot for our small school, considering that when you become a brownie, you can make shodan within a year. Gradings have slowed down because Head Honcho Sensei has been sick. My dopplegagger has been away doing marching band, and Prince Valiant is no more. The little tike came in and picked up all his stuff and left without saying hi to anyone. No hello, no explanation, no thank you. Brat! I forgot to give him his tanabata ornament, so I am gonna snip off his name tag and give it to some other kid.

A lot of goodbyes have been said recently. Verizon Guy left for his new job. We have lost 4 of the last 7 new blackbelts last year. So understandably, Head Sensei was insistent that it'll be a shame that I just stop going. I won't. He gave me a hug as I left today. Odd...

I spent last night building a kusudama. I dunno why, but it even though it was aggravating I kept at it. It felt good it see the finished product, I guess.

yon, shi, shichi, nana

For the past few weeks, sword sensei has been trying a new warmup for iai class. It hasn't been going well. Basically, all twenty of us take turns announcing whatever cut in the happogiri sequence we are at, and counting to ten...in Japanese. Problem is, nobody can remember their vocabulary worth a shit. The sad thing is that Sneezy, Doc and professional mom and son have all done other Japanese arts before this one. How the hell do you get to be a black belt in Shotokan and not know how to count to ten?! I don't get it.

Shi is a funny word- it can mean "four" or "death". Shichi is "seven" unless you say it like half my class, "seechi". Oh, my ears burn. Nana is the other word for seven, as in nana-ju - seventy. Seechiju sounds like a cow chewing cud. Or my other favorite blunder- hashi, not hachi- hachi is the number eight. Hashi is a pair of chopsticks.

I started a new karate kata called "Tensho", or "Sanchin" to most other styles. It is a short, but exhausting kata. It's all about breathing properly. They ought to call it the Tomato kata, because it turns you red in the face.

Bork! The summer comes to a close...

Fast approaching is the end of summer and my free time. Wait- freedom from lack of intellectual stimulation, hanging aroung people my own age, and a job that monkeys could do?!? That's not freedom! Horray for chiro. college!

Anyways, I got my brown belt today! Horray! It is bittersweet for a couple of reasons. I am glad I got it, and with the amount of teaching I have be subjected to, it's nice to have something to learn again. However, it reminded me that I will not be in to class much after school starts. That means a lot of lost training time. I tell myself it will be alright- that not too many brats will pass me, and that I will make up the lost time during breaks. It will be much tougher to leave trainign this time around, now that the real fun begins at this rank. I was also reminded I no longer have Verizon Guy *sniff* to work with.

As for aiki and iai- bah. Aiki class is a mess. We are spending a lot of time on high ranked stuff and not enough on basics so we're ending up with a lot of bad ukes. They can't roll and they pull punches. And they're all younger than me now. What the hell. Iai is getting frustrating too. People are jumping up in the ranks that really shouldn't be. I have been forced to work with little senseis and their mom for the last month. The mom won't let me help her because she thinks she knows it all from watching her sons do it (an armchair sensei). The little senseis are seperating in height, and because the older one grew into the adult-sized bokken, the younger one wanted it too. Except he is a foot shorter. I had to teach them a complex kumitachi which I had just mastered myself and they are not having much luck with it. They are speed demons with weapons. Oi.

The bamboo has withered.

The tanabata bamboo shoots are still in the dojo- still with a lot of ornaments hanging off of it. The leaves have long since fell off, and the shoots themselves are starting to go. In many ways, this is a good analogy of how I feel. In a couple weeks, everything will be different. Verizon Guy will move away, the school-time surge in attendance will happen, and the wave of rankings will begin again. We are already experiencing the other two, and I am not looking forward to it all. But I don't have a choice, do I? We cut this past monday, and I didn't do that well. I kept botching my rising cuts- I sent one goza over a building. Not my best moment, and I was very cranky from work too.

So this week we have been reviewing things for people's ranks. In aiki, we have been going over a lot of basics for blue...patch thingy...and that has been a welcome change from the onslaught of ikkajo techniques (which are confusing enough for the highest ranks, let alone the 90% of class that are beginners). It will be so long before I can get competent for nikyu anyway, so I figure that review is pretty much a forgone conclusion. Karate class, on the other hand, I could kill someone over. We are reviewing this one kid for brown belt, who I will call Lurch because he's the most boring kid on Earth. You can only put excitement in this kid with 100,000 volts. It frustrates me that the kid looks like he never enjoys it or is awake and yet he's made it this far. Yuh, I can see the kids really fearing and respecting him as a teacher. But what can you do? So, this kid will jump me in rank and enter the brownie camp where the kids mouth off and never practice.

I have been reviewing a lot in iai too. Mostly, I am passing on kumitachi to others. I plan on not being around on mondays for class much longer, so I have to make sure everyone is in a good position to work on their own. The class has simply gotten too big, and I think it might be a good idea to start turning people away. It's getting to the point where there is no space to cut, let alone walk. And I've noticed the average age has gotten much older...and the average conditioning has gotten much worse. I remember when I first started, I was the oldest kyu rank there. Now, I am probably the median age. Doc, Professional mom, little senseis' mom, and possibly Sneezy is over forty. One of my karate senseis just started iai again is close to forty. Then there is this new girl who's just out of high school. Goth kid is fourteen or so, and so is professional mom's son. In fact, the little senseis are the youngest in class (and yet they are shodans, go figure). Prince Valiant is a lost cause.

I have noticed so many changes- most of them not good ones. I don't know if I am becoming more aware now, or if things are getting worse. What's making it so frustrating is that I will have to cut down my attendance to once a week after chiro. college starts. I want to fell more positive about all of this before I leave.

Happy Tanabata

Today is Tanabata- the star festival, which happens every July 7th. Today was the first time the holiday landed on a class day since I've been taking class, and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to teach the kids some culture. I think culture of martial arts is important because without it, martial arts really wouldn't be "art".

I have fond memories of this day. This was the first holiday ( it was the first week) that I celebrated in Japan, now 6 years ago. How the time flies by. I don't now if any of them appreciated the name tags in Japanese I made for them or the origami that went with them, but they certainly appreciated the candy. I bought Japanese candy from the giant Wegman's and made dorayaki with nutella instead of traditional anko filling. One of the fuzzy head twins was having a bad day- sleepy and just over-all cranky- when I told him about the nutella, he went from cranky to happy in seconds. The kids were told to eat AFTER they changed, but it was like flies to flycatch tape. I saw Owl sneak a few candies in the folds of his gi.

So it was exhausting, and I think I'll start much earlier next year, but it was fun. Today was a quiet day though- not many kids. The class is experiencing its usual shrink during the summer months. I found out Owl is moving away too. That leaves a lot of "wiggle room" at the top kyu ranks.

I feel uke. Oh so uke.

I heard today that Verizon Guy might be leaving. He got a job offer in another state, and it makes me sad. He is my training buddy and partner in defense against the kiddies. He's also a brown belt. So he will probably be leaving very soon. Another greenie is leaving us as well- I never mentioned him other than the time he got his orange belt and couldn't remember to bow to the blackbelts and shake their hands. He was a green belt with stripe. Unfortunately, as depressing as it is, the class is in need of a shrink.

With Verizon Guy gone, that makes me top uke. This makes me tweak. The techniques in nikkajo are brutal and so much fun to be the uke on *roll eyes*. Today we worked shitouzume (spelling, anyone?) and something else with the uke's fist spins in the palm of your hand. Aiki is still as frustrating as ever.

Karate....ugh. Today was a good class- 6 people. And they were quiet! *heavens open up, sunlight shines down* I worked on tatekatte seishin for all of it, in which sword sensei politely pointed out that some of my angles were wrong. AHHH! I've had this kata for how many weeks?! This is what I get for working with tween brownies. The dojo too is so damn small, I don't know how people do any kata correctly. Unfortunately, Target is moving somewhere else which means we are going to stay. Rats.

Iai made me feel better though. The katori shinto ryu kata work is really paying off. I was surprised that I did so well on my cuts in iai goshi. I will have to fix my kiri oroshi cut though for ni-dan, which may come as soon as this fall. Hmm.

Sprint to the finish....a concrete wall

Would people get over their rank issues already?! I am so sick of kids wanting to work on stuff way out of their rank requirements The greenies and purple people eaters have sucked the oranges into their quest for class domination. They have become so disrespectful that they will talk back and over anybody to make themselves feel important. But boy, do they want those next techniques for their rank! Suddenly, they need you again. Well...if I forgot a move because you're being a little bastard, I guess you'll have to study harder by yourself.

I am tired of teaching. It's time these new blackbelts and the brownies start cracking down on this disrespectful behavior. I told head sensei that the two twins were being jerks, and he nodded with a sense of normality. We had a discussion about the continued misbehaving and I suggested since pushups aren't working anymore that we give them a rag and make them wash the mirrors and walls. He thought it was funny and said it was a good idea. *Ka-ching, ka-ching* There's my two cents.


The other thing I can't stand is how people are being allowed to buy things that are not even in their rank requirements yet. It used to be you bought it when you needed it. Head sensei got a price break on stuff, and now everyone's got a sword, bo, hakama, etc. It irks me. I waited a year before buying my sword, and I waited 'til green belt to get my bo. Now, a whole slew of kids have bos now, much to the danger to everyone else. They fight over where to put up their weapon, which tells me they aren't ready for it. Then, they carry it horizontally. Can you say, loss of an eye? Even more irksome is the adults with money. Professional mom has a kaku obi and a nice iai top. The new girl in iai got to do the same thing. I got those when I hit shodan. So much for exclusiveness. Two kids that aren't even in iai or aiki bought hakamas. What the hell do they need it for? Just because it's there and they have the money doesn't mean they should buy it. Why not let them buy kamas and nunchaku while we're at it? Because it's stupid! Bork!

Bork! How the times change...

This weekend was my Doppleganger's junior shodan test. She passed, of course. It was one of the more decent tests I've seen this year. The little senseis passed theirs, too. So now, they have nothing to do until they are eighteen- five and six years from now *roll eyes*. I made them all hankos as gifts, which impressed Head Honcho sensei. Maybe I can start charging for them *cash register*.

Oh, the day before that, my doppleganger kicked me in the throat- accidentally, mind you, but with a fairly hard roundhouse. Judging by everyone else's reaction, it looked like I got shot. Head sensei looked me over in disbelief I was still standing. I told someone later that it was a lot like when Wiley Coyote realizes the boulder is about to fall on him and whips out an umbrella. Four days later, it still hurts.

So the test day was fairly fun. I talked with the adults, the teens embarrassed themselves, and I learned it takes 20 little lemmmings to move one five pound mat. Bork. I was happy to learn I wasn't the only one who has had thoughts of putting the tweens in a wood chipper.

Today, we have finally got our new rank in aiki- san-kyu, or stupid brown chevron patch thingy. I'll go with the former. We are through all the omote of ikkajo and most of the ura. Nikkajo is next. Verizon Guy also got his brown belt finally, and I am happy. Horray for adults! Down with Tweens!

Omote, ura, to kenkounashi (Forward, backward, and no change)

In life you have three options and two directions to go in; forward, backward, and stay where you are. The third isn't really an option, yet it's sometimes the most desirable. In aiki, the same is true. In the daito ryu techniques, there is omote and ura for everything, and we have been diligently working to finish off the ikkajo techniques. I think it's going well. Last night I had a dream I was cagefighting and broke a girl's arm with the ura version of ippondori. What can I say? I've been watching way too much Ultimate Fighter. I'm hoping after this next weekend of insanity comes more clarity and maybe even a definitive rank in aiki.

I have done a lot of thought after last wednesday when I got my stripe on my purple belt. I do no longer want to be concerned with problems involving brats. In the end, they don't pay for my classes, so they shouldn't ruin it for me. I want to concentrate on reviewing techniques from now on. Despite my miserable journal entries, things have been going well. I am now a yonkyu, which means light at the end of the tunnel. I know have approximately two years left before I go up for my blackbelt test, so I want to be ready. Given the fact that there are so many brown belts may actually work to my advantage. I can almost guarantee a couple will quit, and I won't have to worry about any junior ni-dan tests next year because doppleganger will be making the switch to the adult book, and Prince Valiant is lazy. So then, it is all me from now on. I want to help Verizon Guy get up to test too, sometime. If he gets attention from Head Sensei, I can piggy-back on the review sessions, which also means less waiting time for me.

So, push forward. That is the lesson. I don't want to be the same rank forever, and I don't wanna be stuck with all the kids behind me, either.

Postity post-post- a blurb of things to come

Well this week has been quite...interesting. We've been working on the idori and ushirodori techniques and I just about have them. Some still slip me at times, but I'm getting better. My senseis are enjoying beating the piss out of me. Every time I uke for izori, I feel like it's the calm before death. Oh...the bruises.

The kids were really horrid this week. One purple people eater gave the command "do 150 jumping jacks" during warmups, to which I replied rather loudly, "I'll do as I high as you can count in Japanese." Predictably, he farted out at about 30. Little brat. Then he says, "Do as many push-ups as you can." This kids can't do a push-up, let alone 50 which was where I knew he'd go up to. Barely bending your elbows is NOT a push-up. Grr... That's as much as I wanna rant about them for a while. It's bad chi for me, and I put their fate in the hands of intellectual Darwinism and karma. Sweet, sweet karmic kicks in the ass.

So today, a sensei that hasn't been around in a while showed up and we again had to review izori from the beginning. He didn't pick up too fast either. He seemed really confused on the why technqieus are different by way of kneeling or standing. Then karate came around. Thank God I missed yet another abysmal warmup session with Owl. This sensei took over and I groaned when I found out he was going over green belt techniques. Not so bad, until you consider green in a kid's book is adult equivalent to yellow or orange. Bah....so after going through those half-asleep and serving as the sensei's language dictionary, sword sensei steals me away for review of adult requirements *lightbulb goes on, symbolizing a novel idea*. Damn did I need that. Because of hip problems and mono, my kicks have gone to put. And I still can't jab worth a shit. Some things never change. But hey, at the end of class, Owl got his first stripe on his brown belt, and I got my stripe on my purple belt. Yay! A girl about college age joined iai today. We'll see how long she stays.

So now, that's where things stand. Coming up is going to be the summer from HELL! June 9th is my doppleganger's junior sho-dan test for karate. June 10th is the little senseis' iai shodan and junior ni-dan for karate *still rolling eyes*. After that, there's another in line to test for junior shodan- I call him Eraserhead. And this September my waiting period for iai expires and I may test for ni-dan. Bork to all of that. Just...bork. So seeing as how the ranks are rapidly changing, I thought I'd once again post everyone's rank.

Karate

• Brownies: Doppleganger, Eraserhead, kid I will call Freckles 'til a better name surfaces, Owl, Lazy girl, Wheezy kid. Number of blackbelt tests in 2007: 3. Number in 2008: 4.
• Purple People Eaters: Verizon Guy, me, four interchangable brats.


• Greenies: More interchangable brats that include Frankenstein, a pair of fuzzy head twins,and two blonde brats.


• Oranges: Punky and her friend, some other brat.


• Yellow: some adults, one kid.


• White: three kids of same family, that kid who likes the Wavemaster.

tally: (excluding bratty black belts and other senseis) roughly 30.

Iai

• Ikkyu- Little senseis.
• Ni-kyu- Prince Valiant (by act of God only)
• San-kyu- the two adults...let's give them names now...Sneezy and Doc.
• Yon-kyu- Goth Kid, Professional Mom and her son.

tally: (excluding myself and senseis) 8

Aiki

WHO FREAKIN' KNOWS???? I used to be yellow (hachi-kyu) patch but the patches ended up being an abysmal failure and so did the 10-rank system. So we went back to 5 but the stuff is all different and we have yet to be re-evaluated. I do NOT want to have to pay for this. According to the book, new stuff begins at ni-kyu, which is where Verizon Guy and I should be. But to my understanding, they want us to test at san-kyu which are the exact same requirements as for our yellow patch! What the Hell?

So sleepy and out of shape.

I feel doughy...again. I am struggling to return to the condition I was before I got mono. My poor midsection is all puffy again. Alas, I'm a marshmallow.

I feel so tired after Saturday's class. I met up with Verizon Guy, who for a change did not have to work the weekend, and we got the wonderful benefits of a double-block of aiki. Aiki sensei must have missed me, because he beat the crap out of me. We worked on all of our stuff for our next rank and it was good, I guess. I'm still sore as hell.

Thank god sword sensei didn't make the trip to the clinic. He took over class, and much to their shagrin made them do 27 movements. He told Owl to slow the hell down (hee hee). Those kids were so miserable, it was great. Unfortunately, he didn't do much for sword class. He talked...and talked....and talked....you get the point. We did work #5 and 6 kumitachi for a little bit, but mostly we just sat around. Bah.

Tomorrow will be the real test to see how I feel. Right now, the bed feels good...mm, squishy... Zzzz...

The Evil Stepsister

Why is it no kid has discipline anymore? I returned to class on Wednesday and to my shagrin, I was assigned to teach...again. How many brown belts are there? And why can't they teach? Oh, yeah- because they're brats. But I digress.

I taught an ensemble of white, yellow and orange belts who were, of course, all over the place in skill level. So, I ran them through combinations; rear to front stance, horse stance to front stance. Basic stuff, bork. After about fifteen minutes, everyone was tired and wanted a drink. It's funny when you release them for a drink...they vacate like bats. The sad thing is stamina seems to be better in the white belts than the orange. One in particular I'll call Punky Brewster kept rolling her eyes at me like I was being the evil stepsister. Sorry I can't let you eat chocolate all class. And another kid whom I assigned to help the white belts go over a kata she had for a long time forgot the kata and instead they sat around. Bork.

I still had better luck with them than my teachers had with the others. Stupid brown belts still don't know their kata which they've had for months. It's not like they are seven either, they're 10-15 roughly. It's like asking them to practice for five minutes on their own is too much to ask.
My dopplegagger is starting sai kata. I an envious, nyo. It's not in her requirements for junior sho-dan, so I assume she is doing it for competition. She missed the last one, so now she is trying out this on a bigger competition- where she'll probably get squashed by the likes of that professional jackass kid. Sigh.

Let's see what else I missed- one of the brownies got his first stripe, a kid got his orange belt, other than, nothing. The mother of the little senseis was prompt to brag about how the older one has started up yet another sport *roll eyes*. And then, there is the matter of class tomorrow. And guess who has to teach it? Yup, me. Aiki sensei may or may not be around, Verizon Guy will be working the weekend, most of the teachers and sword kids are going to the iai clinic at our sister dojo. I am starting to hate karate.

Mono-rific martial madness

I have to miss almost all the month of May because I have mono and gastroenteritis. Thank god I can eat again, because that was a real rough patch for a while. I am now battling with fatigue and exams, but other than that, I have no choice but to chill for a bit. I wonder what I'll miss while I'm gone. It's been about three months since the last string of promotions so I am highly anticipating one or all of the purple people eaters getting their stripe before me *grumble*. Phooey.

Bork! Where to go from here...

I don't know how to feel after the tournament. I've taken a couple of days to think about it, but I'm still frustrated and confused to the point where I'm seriously thinking about giving it up. Anyways, I guess I should explain why. The tournament was very long, and very draining. I rode up to the aiki clinic the day before with head sensei, sword sensei, and aiki sensei, and spent three hours listening to sword sensei talk about everything from trade shows to fish. When I go to the clinic, head honcho sensei did his usual teaching way too much in a two hour period. I was paired with goth kid, who just kept talking.

So then, the day of the tournament. My first event (1 hour into it) is all- kyu weapons division (18-34). I think I knew I was screwed when I saw there were red belts in our division and a kid with beautiful arnis sticks (they weren't tacky, either- nice dark-colored wood, unlike my pinewood arnis sticks). There was a girl from our system and my rank doing sai which pissed me off. We don't start doing sai kata until brown belt stripe. I should have brought my bokken and did anything except the only bo kata I knew. Needless to say, I was rather non-competitive. There were 20 people in our division- way more than normal, and of course I drew first. So now I'm really screwed. I got every score from a 7.5 down to a 6.2. This one judge gave low 6's to everyone who wasn't from his school, who he gave high 7's. I wasn't happy, I felt embarrased, and all I wanted to do was leave, but there were 19 other people to sit through. The other kids from our system did ichi-bo kata as well, except they did it with a couple extra moves in it and didn't do complete strikes. Me and this other kid were the only ones who didn't have cheezy tapered bos (if you're an adult, I'm sorry- use a full-sized bo). The sai girl wasn't all that good. A white belt did a nunchaku kata, forgot half of it, got stuck for five minutes, and still got low to mid 7's. As I suspected, the kid with the arnis was awesome and he easily won, getting high 7's. If all this wasn't enough, the competition was stopped twice for announcements. The only division time clocked in at just under an hour! Did I mention I really had to pee?

So, after that I bummed around for another 2 hours until my next event, the kata green-purple division (18-34). Now here was some really odd placements. I was glad to be rid of the brown belt, but there were still those two red belts from a tae kown do school that were obviously way more experienced than the rest of us. And there were this guys who were 34 (questionably) who were griping about being in with us. There was also a guy with a midnight blue colored belt (?)- I dunno what division he was supposed to be in. So here we are- I wasn't first this time, thank god, and here is another girl my rank from our system doing a kata she shouldn't have known yet. The guy who ended up winning was from my old school and did a decent version of heian godan (ironic, since I did that last year and got 4th). I thought I did really well, but it got low to mid 7s and didn't place. Furthermore, one of my old instructos walks by and says to someone "You can definitely see who comes from what school by how bad the stances are," as he glances towards me. What am I supposed to make of that?

Right after is the women's green-to-purple kumite division. This was one of the few glimmer of good things to happen all day. I went first again and drew the same girl I'd barely lost to last year- she went to my old school and had a big cheering section (karate is like a clique there). I knew I had to be aggressive so I threw a lot of kicks right out of the gate. We went 3-2 after a long fight, I finally won. Next was a short green belt who wasn't that hard to beat and I think I scored 3-1 against her. The semi-final match with the tae kwon do red belt was harder than hell. She was really tall and had a little more meat on her than me, but I tried to stay level-headed about it. She wasn't all that good and if I was better it would have been easy but I kept walking into her punches, effectively scoring on myself. Then, she hit me in the head, and the ref stopped the fight. He asked if I was okay, and I was down 2-1 and managed to come back strong. I tied her, and then, I couldn't put her away even though I knew I could! I must have scored at least 4 times but it wasn't conclusive enough. Then I walked in on a punch again and lost. Bummer. So right after I draw a short purple belt for third place. She was easy to put away, and I scored 3-0 on her. So, after all that I actually walked away with something. Bork.

So by then, I was tired as hell. Overall, our school really didn't do all that great. Wheezy kid (who has a baby brother who looks exactly like him-frightening!) got a couple of 4ths and Owl got a 1st and 3rd or something like that. The little senseis got nothing for the first time ever. They got their ass kicked all day by some professional kid who was about 17 and a foot taller than everyone else in the division. He won everything- kata, weapons, self defense, etc. When it came time for kumite, he kicked the shit out of everyone. Then, he drew a kid who was pathetically small compared to him. The crowd was like "Oh god" and for good reason as this jackass was a dirty fighter. The referee gave him a warning and he reacted by "going easy" on this kid by hitting a karate kid style crane stance and letting the poor kid shuffle into his impending doom. The crowd actually booed. It was the longest closing of distance ever. Then just as this little kid gets close, the pro tries to take his block off, misses, and the little kid kicks him in the head. Everybody cheered. Ah, there is a god. So the ref gave a warning to the little kid for a head shot and took a point away from the pro for unsportsmanlike conduct. So the next go, the pro is pissed off and drilled the poor kid to the floor. So much for light contact. So the pro got disqualified and the little kid won. It's only too bad he didn't win on skill.

Given all these feelings I had going into class monday, I was already on edge. Then, Prince Valiant decides to flex his 6" muscles. What a brat. Nobody respects him for the reason he puts down people and is lazy himself. He bitched about us not having good stances (keep in mind, this is an 11 year old) and gave my doppleganger 5 pushups with a cocky smile on his face. I wanted to hit him! And because all the adult blackbelts were late, the little senseis were running the show and all hell broke loose. And everyone is surprised at this? Something is going to blow here, and I'm afraid it's going to be me. I'm so angry at the situation. Why should I waste my money on this?